[mature] the everlasting ghost of what once was - kagerus - private

[Kagerus]

Kagerus

{ and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times }

It's funny, this being in love thing. All on it's own yes, but within the scope of Beqanna, too. It has been years now that I've ruled alongside my lover. It's been years now that everyone knows us as the lover-queens, the Caretakers of Hyaline. Though other leaders have taken consorts, none have come to such a firm head as ours, where responsibilities are equally handled. From the outside, I must wonder if others see our love as a charade, as an act to gain members, as something no heavier then a crown made of leaves.

It will never matter what outsiders think. As the sound of our intertwining heartbeats thrums in a melodic dance behind our dreaming eyes, a weight lifts from my shoulders. Perhaps that's what love is, in the end. A place where your barriers drop. Where two souls, body-less and whispered, connect.

Baby.

The single word is almost my undoing. As the gale of her love confronts the shadows that I've cloaked myself in, my innermost layer crumples. Her forceful love is met blow for blow, though I've not the strength to show it the way she does: instead, I must simply receive her, my hands pressing up against the veil between us in a desperate attempt to connect our beings without revealing the truth of my quest.

Her hands worry at me, pulling at the threads of darkness which hide my true self, and it's all I can do to always keep one more layer between us. It's childish of me, to hold on to this act of hiding for so long, to not give myself fully to her: but it's not just the scar, it's everything. It's how I spoke to her in the fight, and how I went and did as she bade me not, and it's Vulgaris' teeth around my throat and how they should have killed me, and it's Magnus' lips heavy on my skin with the need of a long forgotten lover, it's -

- Everything.

I'm crying, I realize, the shoulders of my figure-less essence shaking with the might of an earthquake within my lover's grasp. She is so warm, so light, so nurturing. It's always come back to this. To her saving me and pulling me out of a darkness so suffocating that any glimmer of self left within me is nearly gone. I'm crying, and she loves me. I'm broken, and she loves me. I'm unworthy, and she loves me.

Come back home.

The final layer falls, revealing me for what I am, though in this minimalist rendition of our innermost beings, I remain a dusk to her dawn. My hands reach and without even a breath's hesitation we are together, pressed as one - my tears trace down the spine of her being and the warmth she exudes calms the tremors of mine. Everything else fades away. There is only us, together after what felt like an eternity's separation.

"I love you so much Solace."

With the unearthly sensation of shivers running through us from head to toe, the dream gradually dissolves into reality, water washing down our painted forms until only what truly is remains. I've teleported to her, pressed against her and absorbing the tingling sheen of light which radiates across the gold and white of her form. Though still shuddering, I've largely quieted; with closed eyes and worshipful lips, I press kisses to the curve of her jaw bone, down her throat and to her cheek and everywhere I can reach without extrapolating myself from her sublime figure. It's only been days, but life without her was impossible.

I pause, when I remember my deformity. Open my eyes, pull away just an inch.

"You don't have to worry any more about... Dying." My words are whispers, hushed and almost abashed in the fact that I'd succeeded in my plight. "I love you, and I want to be with you forever. No matter the cost."

"Sol, I - I'm so sorry for how I spoke to you. And for leaving Hyaline and my responsibilities. I'll do anything to make things right."

@[Solace]