09-23-2018, 12:33 PM
Dizzy watched him, the softness in his eyes, the grin on his face as he watched their girls. It looked genuine, and Zor had never especially been one for pretense. It helped. Really. It was good, that he was head over heels in love with them, that he felt all the things he should feel as a dad when he looked at them. It was a good thing.
She should be happy.
And she was, about that. For them. God, she was, she wasn’t selfish enough to wish Zor felt the same empty distance in his chest that she did, stretching out and creating chasms between her and the people who loved her. She couldn’t wish that on him, or on the girls. But God, that smile made her feel even more alone.
“Good,” she said softly, reached out to rub her cheek against his neck.. “You’re great with them, Zor. So damn much better than our parents were with us. I’m proud of you.” And a little jealous of how easily he could say that, could mean it. “They’re lucky girls, to have you as a dad.” Not so lucky to have her as a mom, but she tried. God, she tried.
He pulled back to look at her, and it was all she could do not to look away, not to dodge the truth in his eyes. “I know, Zor. I love you too.” She gave him truth, just...just not the truth he wanted. She did love him, but not with the fiery intensity that used to take them over, that used to rage between them, especially between the three of them.
She’d broken it, falling for Dov. She’d broken everything between them, broken their little family before it even started. A whole damn year without him, without so much as a glimpse of him, and she still just wanted to curl up in his arms and beg him to hold her and make everything okay.
Or chase it all away with his touch.
She sighed. “I love you too, Zor. You’re my brother, and I’m always gonna love you.” Just not the way you want.
She should be happy.
And she was, about that. For them. God, she was, she wasn’t selfish enough to wish Zor felt the same empty distance in his chest that she did, stretching out and creating chasms between her and the people who loved her. She couldn’t wish that on him, or on the girls. But God, that smile made her feel even more alone.
“Good,” she said softly, reached out to rub her cheek against his neck.. “You’re great with them, Zor. So damn much better than our parents were with us. I’m proud of you.” And a little jealous of how easily he could say that, could mean it. “They’re lucky girls, to have you as a dad.” Not so lucky to have her as a mom, but she tried. God, she tried.
He pulled back to look at her, and it was all she could do not to look away, not to dodge the truth in his eyes. “I know, Zor. I love you too.” She gave him truth, just...just not the truth he wanted. She did love him, but not with the fiery intensity that used to take them over, that used to rage between them, especially between the three of them.
She’d broken it, falling for Dov. She’d broken everything between them, broken their little family before it even started. A whole damn year without him, without so much as a glimpse of him, and she still just wanted to curl up in his arms and beg him to hold her and make everything okay.
Or chase it all away with his touch.
She sighed. “I love you too, Zor. You’re my brother, and I’m always gonna love you.” Just not the way you want.