09-20-2018, 09:14 PM
Before.
So much emphasis on a single word. It had begun to make her nervous, probably from subconsciously feeding off of his anxiety that was slowly filtering into her own feelings. She had purposefully made herself susceptible, opening up her gift, making it ready and willing for whenever he was ready to show her whatever was plaguing him.
And like the inevitability of darkness encroaching at the end of the day, his memories had overcome her. Swarmed with the flooding of images of his past and the emotions that were bound to them, she’d given herself over to it entirely. Unblinking and barely breatheing, his memories became her own, his emotions hers, and she was forced to feel everything.
It’s over soon enough, and her aware self withdraws from the convolution of his mind as briskly as a limb retreats from the sudden heat of a burn. Momentarily it’s all that she can do but to blink as if to clear her thoughts from the lingering stubborn haze of his transference.
“You made some poor decisions.”.
An understatement for sure, but any other sensical words weren’t within her reach just then. Watching him with the other women had been hard to bare witness to, filling in the blanks of the gaps he’d left for censorship. But the last part had by far been the hardest, the most painful to glimpse. The torture in past Leilan’s eyes and the decision set in his mind to end the suffering the only way he could think of, having failed in any and all other attempts to remedy a pain that she had caused elsewhere. His goal upon the mountain had been the very thing she had worried of and feared for that day she had walked away from him in Nerine, the fear of losing him in death. But her actions and inactions had spurred a chain of events that would unknowingly cause him an attempt at his own life.
“I already knew of Briseis and Chryseis,”, she admits, ”I ended up meeting them on my way back to Nerine after you found me in the Forest.”
Her face a mask set in resolution, she watches through deceptively guarded eyes as he retreats from her side. His absence rekindles the once-dying chill, sending an unpleasant shiver throughout, where the last one has been so much more enjoyable.
For awhile, she remains unmoving, losing track of time as the seconds slipped by. But he wasn’t making light of the situation, and she wouldn’t either. They’d been so easily losing themselves within each other at first, nearly becoming consumed my their mutual attraction. He could have kept leading, and she would have followed willingly none the wiser. But he’d shown restraint, attempting to ease himself of a guilty conscious perhaps, but she had the suspicion it was more so for her benefit, to allow her to make a well informed choice. It conveyed personal growth and wisdom—something she could appreciate.
And in the end, it had all been done before. Before tonight, before they’d both apologized, before they had given into confession, before they wavered on the precipice of exclusivity.
Looking at him now, shame and remorse had etched themselves deeply into the lines of his handsome face. And something lit heatedly inside of her, burning away what little doubts that had managed to surface though this entire ordeal. Simply put, she couldn’t stand seeing him like this. When he hurt, she did too and the need to see that irritating smile light up the darkness of his expression suddenly became the single most important thing in her world.
Lost somewhere in consideration, her gaze had drifted downward, staring solemnly at the dampened floor. ”Leilan” she reaches for his attention, raising her eyes so deeply ingrained with with sadness and exhaustion, and she moves closer to him, forcing him to meet her gaze that he is probably trying to avoid. But she would not yield, she would wait to say anything more until he finally did look at her.
And when he does at last look at her, he would see her smiling gently, in sincerity and reassurance, and still shaped with love. “I won’t try to kill you. Obviously it would be a waste of time and energy on my part.” A pathetic attempt at humor she knew, but she missed that smile so much. “Thank you for showing me. As uncomfortable as it was to see, I’m glad you did.”
Reaching up, she tugs playfully at the ends of his gold drenched mane before moving a step back again to better look at him, her voice becoming lined with nothing short of the purest sincerity. “Honestly though, Leilan, I’m much more concerned with how you will spend your future. And if you are still willing to let me be a part of it.”
@[Leilan]
So much emphasis on a single word. It had begun to make her nervous, probably from subconsciously feeding off of his anxiety that was slowly filtering into her own feelings. She had purposefully made herself susceptible, opening up her gift, making it ready and willing for whenever he was ready to show her whatever was plaguing him.
And like the inevitability of darkness encroaching at the end of the day, his memories had overcome her. Swarmed with the flooding of images of his past and the emotions that were bound to them, she’d given herself over to it entirely. Unblinking and barely breatheing, his memories became her own, his emotions hers, and she was forced to feel everything.
It’s over soon enough, and her aware self withdraws from the convolution of his mind as briskly as a limb retreats from the sudden heat of a burn. Momentarily it’s all that she can do but to blink as if to clear her thoughts from the lingering stubborn haze of his transference.
“You made some poor decisions.”.
An understatement for sure, but any other sensical words weren’t within her reach just then. Watching him with the other women had been hard to bare witness to, filling in the blanks of the gaps he’d left for censorship. But the last part had by far been the hardest, the most painful to glimpse. The torture in past Leilan’s eyes and the decision set in his mind to end the suffering the only way he could think of, having failed in any and all other attempts to remedy a pain that she had caused elsewhere. His goal upon the mountain had been the very thing she had worried of and feared for that day she had walked away from him in Nerine, the fear of losing him in death. But her actions and inactions had spurred a chain of events that would unknowingly cause him an attempt at his own life.
“I already knew of Briseis and Chryseis,”, she admits, ”I ended up meeting them on my way back to Nerine after you found me in the Forest.”
Her face a mask set in resolution, she watches through deceptively guarded eyes as he retreats from her side. His absence rekindles the once-dying chill, sending an unpleasant shiver throughout, where the last one has been so much more enjoyable.
For awhile, she remains unmoving, losing track of time as the seconds slipped by. But he wasn’t making light of the situation, and she wouldn’t either. They’d been so easily losing themselves within each other at first, nearly becoming consumed my their mutual attraction. He could have kept leading, and she would have followed willingly none the wiser. But he’d shown restraint, attempting to ease himself of a guilty conscious perhaps, but she had the suspicion it was more so for her benefit, to allow her to make a well informed choice. It conveyed personal growth and wisdom—something she could appreciate.
And in the end, it had all been done before. Before tonight, before they’d both apologized, before they had given into confession, before they wavered on the precipice of exclusivity.
Looking at him now, shame and remorse had etched themselves deeply into the lines of his handsome face. And something lit heatedly inside of her, burning away what little doubts that had managed to surface though this entire ordeal. Simply put, she couldn’t stand seeing him like this. When he hurt, she did too and the need to see that irritating smile light up the darkness of his expression suddenly became the single most important thing in her world.
Lost somewhere in consideration, her gaze had drifted downward, staring solemnly at the dampened floor. ”Leilan” she reaches for his attention, raising her eyes so deeply ingrained with with sadness and exhaustion, and she moves closer to him, forcing him to meet her gaze that he is probably trying to avoid. But she would not yield, she would wait to say anything more until he finally did look at her.
And when he does at last look at her, he would see her smiling gently, in sincerity and reassurance, and still shaped with love. “I won’t try to kill you. Obviously it would be a waste of time and energy on my part.” A pathetic attempt at humor she knew, but she missed that smile so much. “Thank you for showing me. As uncomfortable as it was to see, I’m glad you did.”
Reaching up, she tugs playfully at the ends of his gold drenched mane before moving a step back again to better look at him, her voice becoming lined with nothing short of the purest sincerity. “Honestly though, Leilan, I’m much more concerned with how you will spend your future. And if you are still willing to let me be a part of it.”
@[Leilan]