09-20-2018, 02:15 PM
Leilan
a dragon who couldn't be hurt on the outside
could have so many ragged holes inside
could have so many ragged holes inside
There was nothing more painful - not even his own pain in the past had been this bad - but he had to go through with it. She would have to know. Have to understand. He’s fully to blame himself, but, well he had (really bad) reasons and then she can decide what to do with him.
”I’m sorry. But there’s strings attached and you need to know about them before. Please don’t... don’t try to kill me for these.” A small indication of the myriad of memories that is to come and has to pass. It will pain him to sift through again, but it will pain her more and he can only be deeply sorry.
He closes his eyes to lean against her like she had with him, didn’t dare look her in the eye; sifting through a few shorter memories, starting with the day she left but briefly skipping past that. Takes her to a few of the days spent in Ischia, when hope was fading she’d ever come to talk to him. Passes through multiple memories of swimming to the mainland and walking through the riverland, then remembering that he probably shouldn’t confront her with someone she did not want to see, turning back every time.
He settles on one such retreat; a night when he’d stumbled upon a mare running, followed by a wolf, intercepting the predator to discover it was a shifter and seeing the joke of it then. But the wolf quickly left, and that dark mysterious mare carried the scent of autumn and was eternally grateful to him for, yeah what anyway. But when he looked into her eyes - deep brown so similar to the spotted mare’s - he could just pretend that she would be a good replacement for what he’d never have, and he let himself be carried away by a shy touch - skip that
Rushing forward, there’s a fire-carrying mare who could not interest him even though he tried, when before she would have; there was Rey who had started flirting instead of the other way around, mirroring his coat with ease, consider him impressed; Rey in Loess, saying don’t worry, it’s Arthas’, with a laugh that made him feel relieved and guilty at the same time.
A day at the river, unsuspecting until he heard a vaguely familiar voice and a child’s complaint, thinking someone had babysitting duty. The stunned feeling when he came eye to eye with Briseis and a blue roan filly, complete with golden blaze. Leilan’s you father actually. And the girl had just snuggled up to him complaining that her mother wouldn’t let her swim in the raging river; she’s such perfect little thing. Chryseis is the only good thing he knows that stems from him and he can’t just let her live without knowing her father does love her, unintended as she was.
He frowns into her shoulder, preparing for more. Worse.
There’s Roseen, in the Field, all alone and looking fragile, but it was her eyes that had him decide to ask her... I'd hoped you found the cure for that. Maybe you can be a cure. For mine, that is, and we'll see if I can help you forget yours. Seconds before Arthas and Breckin had come into hearing distance. The near-stinging sensation when he realized Breckin was so close, like an electric jolt; the disappointment turning sour when she didn’t even shoot him an apologetic glance, but cheerfully went on about kingdoms and whatnot, small talk. The stinging hurt and subsequent anger causing him to lash out trying to tell her that this was not the way to do it; instead ending up telling her to stay out of his life altogether - skip that too
Thalassa - deep brown eyes again, it’s clear he has a type; splashing in the river together, and a brief flash towards a similar memory for the day he met the love of his life that he’d probably never see again - staring into her eyes later that year, last fall, knowing she was just trying to make him feel better and get the hurt out of his eyes - skip
Roseen again, talking to him cheerfully on the trips they’d made, to the mountains of Hyaline, to Tephra and to Ischia, where she’d crooned into him so easily, so determined to make him fall for her - and he almost did, though it wasn’t her he saw when he looked into her eyes and lost himself in there for a moment. He could not start again. But almost was not enough, and they’d parted ways later.
Jenova in winter, a total outlier safe for the fact that she had a personality match, except she was not shy. Ot would be his downfall later when she cuddled up to him and he had decided perhaps he should try with someone completely different instead because the others hadn’t been able to help him move on. But that hadn’t worked either, in the end.
Skip, skip. His attacking the grass and his mother challenging him, completely rubbing him the wrong way. A blue stallion bumping into him; he’s lashing out and the man beushes into his mind and tells him his girlfriend might not be so inclined to avoid him if he wasn’t trampling plantlife. Wrong answer but he’d recieved a kick to knock some sense into him, so instead he gritted his teeth and left. Skip
More vague memories, he stirs, tries to back away from them, but not thinking about something when you already know the memory is there is hopeless. She gets part of it. A cold and windy surrounding, an ice blue miniature horse telling him in a booming voice You’re physically healthy. You’ve been granted a trait. You have a loving family and the overwhelming sensation that it was all worth nothing if he would everyday feel the hurt, and that it needed to stop - a ghostly feeling and visions of Chryseis growing up never knowing, of his mother searching, of Breckin with a completely random guy, better off without me.
Shaking his head, he backs away, that last bit was never intended for her to see. Unnecessary.
”I’m sorry. But there’s strings attached and you need to know about them before. Please don’t... don’t try to kill me for these.” A small indication of the myriad of memories that is to come and has to pass. It will pain him to sift through again, but it will pain her more and he can only be deeply sorry.
He closes his eyes to lean against her like she had with him, didn’t dare look her in the eye; sifting through a few shorter memories, starting with the day she left but briefly skipping past that. Takes her to a few of the days spent in Ischia, when hope was fading she’d ever come to talk to him. Passes through multiple memories of swimming to the mainland and walking through the riverland, then remembering that he probably shouldn’t confront her with someone she did not want to see, turning back every time.
He settles on one such retreat; a night when he’d stumbled upon a mare running, followed by a wolf, intercepting the predator to discover it was a shifter and seeing the joke of it then. But the wolf quickly left, and that dark mysterious mare carried the scent of autumn and was eternally grateful to him for, yeah what anyway. But when he looked into her eyes - deep brown so similar to the spotted mare’s - he could just pretend that she would be a good replacement for what he’d never have, and he let himself be carried away by a shy touch - skip that
Rushing forward, there’s a fire-carrying mare who could not interest him even though he tried, when before she would have; there was Rey who had started flirting instead of the other way around, mirroring his coat with ease, consider him impressed; Rey in Loess, saying don’t worry, it’s Arthas’, with a laugh that made him feel relieved and guilty at the same time.
A day at the river, unsuspecting until he heard a vaguely familiar voice and a child’s complaint, thinking someone had babysitting duty. The stunned feeling when he came eye to eye with Briseis and a blue roan filly, complete with golden blaze. Leilan’s you father actually. And the girl had just snuggled up to him complaining that her mother wouldn’t let her swim in the raging river; she’s such perfect little thing. Chryseis is the only good thing he knows that stems from him and he can’t just let her live without knowing her father does love her, unintended as she was.
He frowns into her shoulder, preparing for more. Worse.
There’s Roseen, in the Field, all alone and looking fragile, but it was her eyes that had him decide to ask her... I'd hoped you found the cure for that. Maybe you can be a cure. For mine, that is, and we'll see if I can help you forget yours. Seconds before Arthas and Breckin had come into hearing distance. The near-stinging sensation when he realized Breckin was so close, like an electric jolt; the disappointment turning sour when she didn’t even shoot him an apologetic glance, but cheerfully went on about kingdoms and whatnot, small talk. The stinging hurt and subsequent anger causing him to lash out trying to tell her that this was not the way to do it; instead ending up telling her to stay out of his life altogether - skip that too
Thalassa - deep brown eyes again, it’s clear he has a type; splashing in the river together, and a brief flash towards a similar memory for the day he met the love of his life that he’d probably never see again - staring into her eyes later that year, last fall, knowing she was just trying to make him feel better and get the hurt out of his eyes - skip
Roseen again, talking to him cheerfully on the trips they’d made, to the mountains of Hyaline, to Tephra and to Ischia, where she’d crooned into him so easily, so determined to make him fall for her - and he almost did, though it wasn’t her he saw when he looked into her eyes and lost himself in there for a moment. He could not start again. But almost was not enough, and they’d parted ways later.
Jenova in winter, a total outlier safe for the fact that she had a personality match, except she was not shy. Ot would be his downfall later when she cuddled up to him and he had decided perhaps he should try with someone completely different instead because the others hadn’t been able to help him move on. But that hadn’t worked either, in the end.
Skip, skip. His attacking the grass and his mother challenging him, completely rubbing him the wrong way. A blue stallion bumping into him; he’s lashing out and the man beushes into his mind and tells him his girlfriend might not be so inclined to avoid him if he wasn’t trampling plantlife. Wrong answer but he’d recieved a kick to knock some sense into him, so instead he gritted his teeth and left. Skip
More vague memories, he stirs, tries to back away from them, but not thinking about something when you already know the memory is there is hopeless. She gets part of it. A cold and windy surrounding, an ice blue miniature horse telling him in a booming voice You’re physically healthy. You’ve been granted a trait. You have a loving family and the overwhelming sensation that it was all worth nothing if he would everyday feel the hurt, and that it needed to stop - a ghostly feeling and visions of Chryseis growing up never knowing, of his mother searching, of Breckin with a completely random guy, better off without me.
Shaking his head, he backs away, that last bit was never intended for her to see. Unnecessary.
@[Breckin]
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
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