so long, my luckless romance; any

[leliana]

I see a ghost out on the water; I swear it has my face
I bend and drink the lonely down, the lonely down

She has always been drawn to the dark ones—something within her dove heart endlessly fascinated with the shadows and the poison. She was made for the sunshine, for the summer and the spring, and yet she always finds herself in the shadows, pulled into the toxic winter that both traps and entices her. She cannot speak to what inside of her is so drawn to it, what part of her reaches for the knife that she knows will only draw blood, only that she does and thus it is not surprising to her that she is here now.

At his question, she inhales quickly, holding the breath in her lungs for a moment before she releases it, letting it blow out into the autumn air and between them. “Not always,” she admits, thinking so that she can give him a serious answer to what she deems a serious question. “I like to think that I was once a very happy young girl.” An orphan, yes, but one left with her twin so not alone. One left with a distant relative who had given them space to explore and grow but enough protection to keep them safe.

“But I suppose ghosts have a way of finding everyone eventually.”

For her, they had found her young—torn at her heart until it was unrecognizable. They had warped her reality, ripped away her defenses and shaped her into something different, something new. It is difficult to not think about what she would have become had they had not found her. It is difficult to think of the life that she might have led had she not run across the stallion of bone and blood that day in the meadow, had she not followed Hades down, swallowing the pomegranate seeds and anchoring herself forever.

Her ghosts simmer on the surface, bruising her hazel eyes, and she is unable to keep herself from looking at him with her defenses stripped away, vulnerable before his question. “It is silly,” she says quietly, her melodic voice hushed to a whisper. “Is it?” The question chases the declaration, and she searches his face for the answers, hoping to find them there. “Is it silly to dream of normal? To dream of a simple live with a simple family? A home to call my own?” Her deepest wishes, laid bare before him.

“Because I do. I dream of a simple love, of children, of quiet and calm.”

Another laugh, sadness staining the edges of it as she shakes her lovely head.

“But I am a silly girl with silly wishes and silly dreams.”

I’m gonna stand here in the ache until the levee on my heart breaks

ughhhh, i love him! <3