[private] like the dawn, you broke the dark - kag

[Kagerus]

kagerus

and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times

She fears what you will become when she passes.
A widow? A whore? Someone else's wife?
Does it matter?
No! Because she isn't going to die!
Idiot! Denier! You are a part of the problem. Everyone dies, and she will go before you, leaving in her wake a lonesomeness so profound that you'll have to find some way to fill the void - with sex, with dreams - God knows you'd be prone to suicide.
Fuck you!
Funny, how in times of stress you can't seem to silence my voice. As if I've never truly been gone... Just biding my time, subtly finding my way into the joints of your knees so that, when the weight of the world commands that you kneel, I can be the force which truly sends you into submission.

It is Solace's voice which pulls me from the revere, halting my rambling words which, though true, I'd not even realized I was speaking. She tells me that I'm stronger than that, that I wouldn't be betraying her, and it's not what I wanted to hear. The darkness in my head redoubles its efforts, and I feel like screaming when my knees start into aching. I hate it, I hate this, I hate that life can't always be flirtations and sex and children and crowns and laughter, I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate --

You don't have that power, and you... need someone. I don't want to think of you alone. Her face is defiant, her tear-filled eyes like icy blue lakes whose surface will not bear my weight. My own ears lay back, anger twisting my features to see her fighting my love so adamantly; the voice pushes me further, further, laying my ears back and cackling with glee as my eyes pinch and fill and burn amber and nutmeg and black. I need you to know that I don't want you to be alone. So just agree, and then we never have to have this conversation again.

"Fuck you," I don't recognize the voice that comes without hesitation from my mouth just as she finishes speaking: the voice is loud and abrasive, and in a heartbeat, I realize that it's the voice in my head. My breathing is staggered, interrupted at every change of pressure by a sob that threatens to choke me. My ears are somehow flat to my skull, and my legs send me a step away. "You think I'm powerless, but I'm not." I am backing up, further, leaving, going - something I have never done.

"I don't agree, Solace." Biting, scathing, heart-wrenching.
"And I never will." Heart-stopping.
"I'm going to find someone who can."

"No matter the price."

@[Solace] :| I, uh, I do not know what happened.