She’s so very tired. Her head hangs with a heaviness that she doesn’t ever remember feeling. She’s immortal, she shouldn’t feel this way. This feeling, it’s meant for those that age to know their time, not those that are eternal. Her companions, others she’s come to care about and are worthy of her trust, she shuns them. Hestia doesn’t want to, but the black mare cannot bring herself to trust them, can’t stop these habits. A century, no it’s been over a century that she’s wandered; thrown herself into her work, never ceasing in her attempts to make each step she leaves behind a little better than when she’d come into it. Dear god what is she doing? Her heart beat thuds a little weaker in her chest.
Her strength, it’s all gone; she’s pushed through this feeling before continued even when she felt she had nothing more to give. She fought, struggled, prevailed. Now… there truly is nothing more for her to give. This feeling, it’s different somehow, before she could see past it, see a future, a glimmer of hope for her. Castile’s words ring true in her mind, a thick blanket of darkness that hovers over her with the unanswered question. An answer she’s been afraid to face for a very very long time. He’s the one that asked the question, but it’s her that must answer it. Now that she is facing it. Well, escaping it is impossible. It shows her who she truly is. Still she ran from it, to quickly it’s caught up with her, dragging her down into a paranoia that tears her apart, until she is no longer the bitch queen, but a wraith barely recognizable. So many times, she tries to save others from the fates they desire, so many times she’s blamed herself for the path they took.
The scaly creature at her side nudges her hip. Hestia. The word come soft and tender in her mind. There is no more that needs said. They both know. They always knew. She’s so tired of feeling this. Feeling alone, even when she isn’t alone, it’s still there. This dark shadow that looms in the background whispering of a coldness that she can’t shake. If anyone was without a soul, it’s her. Not because of actions or choices, but because of this coldness. This inability to connect with others. Somethings just… she’s just… a clock that’s gear doesn’t fit quite right. It makes the tick of life just a little off. Nothing crazy, or shudder worthy, just enough to make someone take a second look. She doesn’t fit in life, and life doesn’t fit in her.
A primal dance between her and death, twisting and winding around one another until one can’t be told from the other. They belong together, her and death. Yet they never seem to truly meet. She does not live, but she does not die. Entranced with this world she’s found a tender spot to always try and care for Beqanna and maintain her connection with the goddess. But Beqanna changed, she withdrew, Hestia grew bitter in her loss. Her pain it just refuses to leave, without Beqanna Hestia is nothing. Her name, her mother charged her with caring, and caring she did, living up to all the meaning her name holds. Maybe a little too much. She’s suffocated herself in resisting the love of others. Only one love she desires. One love she may never obtain.
Her thoughts go to Beqanna, and she hopes to see her beloved jaguar one last time. Just once, just to hear she’s done well, that she spent her time well. That she’s made up for all her mistakes. All her sister’s mistakes. She can’t make up for it all, but she’s tried, does that not count for something? The mare is so tired, the torment is to much. Peace, it’s all she desires, peace and love. Things she rejects in this life, things she fights for and shuns when offered. What is wrong with her? Hestia. Oblivion reminds her; these thoughts, so constant, so pervasive. A self-loathing she can’t seem to shake. Mother, I did it. She looks to the sky, her eyes burning, Jadis would be so proud. They remember mother. It was the blood promise she made to Beqanna, the oath she swore to her mother and sister. Prague, Jadis, Fennick. She searches for any signs of them. They would all be proud of her. They would say well done, but it’s not them she searches for approval from, It’s Beqanna. To feel her embrace on her skin once more, one last time to hear her whisper on the wind of a love that is beyond this world.
Her blood weeps for that connection, a connection so engrained in her DNA that she finds herself unable to accept love from anyone. Dear @[Walter], her lip twitches at thinking of him. A warmth blossoms, and she hopes he can feel her just as they had that night. She thought love was dead to her, and then @[Scorch] came into her life. So many who’ve danced with her, offering her life and happiness, but death swipes them all away with one deft stroke. They slide away into the background barely missing the contact she needs to continue breathing. Walter was that breath, Scorch was that touch, @[Djinni] was that strength, @[Castile] was that hope. But now she stands, the waves beating against the cliff. Calling to her, the fates had warned her. One day, one day it would all be to much, it would consume her. This hunger that never dies.
Oblivion stands beside her, listening to her mind in the quiet of the evening. A rustle of grass and she feels the leathery skin of her dear friend. For the first time in the span of her years, she leans into the other without hesitation. She doesn’t say it, but she wants to. They’d both had others who consumed their souls, but for Hestia. Her venom colored eyes turn to look into the other mares. The intense burning pricking salty tears into the corners of her eyes. Scorch, dear Scorch, Fennicks light heartedness, Murc’s steadfastness, Oblivion’s loyalty. She saw it all in Scorch, truly if there are such things as soulmates, Hestia is sure that she’d found hers in Scorch. If only we’d met… But they had, she laughs. She sighs heavily, pressing her head to Scorch, breathing her in. She can’t say it. She can’t ever say it, those words, words only used on Fennick. She can’t betray him, even now, even after everything. Scorch would understand, she would have to. She has Hestoni, she would be fine without her. They all would. Walter has Djinni, and Castile has his mother back. Murc has his home, Porcia has Rome, and Oblivion, well. She smiles, this time there is no twitch or ghosting in her eyes. Oblivion, true to it’s name the demon is all she can seem to truly accept. Most that she thinks of are immortal, they would meet again.
They would understand her reasons, they would need to. She did what she promised, she led Nerine back to it’s roots, led them back to their strength, and gave them their hope back. They lead themselves, hold each other together. She’s shown them the way, she has given her all to them. They are strong and alive, and that is what she promised them. This was to be her last task, in resigning herself to death she’d worked to fulfill the blood oaths taken so long ago. She’d believed that this would be the end. Believed that after giving them the ability to move into the future, death would finally greet her with open arms. Irony twisted it’s sick pranks once more, death continues to evade her, but her strength. It dissipates with each passing day. And the questions burn in the back of her mind, guilt and fear eating at her with no end in sight. Her starvation for Beqanna’s attention drives her to the brink of insanity. Would she come? Now in these moments would Hestia have that last glimpse she so desperately longs for?
I give it to you Scorch, you believed in me, you saw the same future same as I did. And it’s here; because of you it is here. I live in the past Scorch, my place is there, I would only ruin what we’ve started. My work, it is finished, I’ve done what I promised. She smiles, genuinely smiles at the mare next to her. Find someone like us, someone to keep this. She stops there. There is no need for goodbyes. They are immortal after all. She looks out to the ocean once more searching for Beqanna hoping beyond hope that she would show her face to Hestia just one more time. The flames burn around her until her companions must step away from her for their own safety. Her wings flare outwards, and the hot glow builds and builds. She thinks of her children, of Fennick, and Jadis. Of Prague, and the Amazons. The Valley, and most of all Beqanna. A hollow longing that sends the fires blazing until they reach her bones. A quiet whisper, a cool breath. The flames kiss her skin, bit by bit they tear her away until all she can feel is beqanna. My love. His voice, she smiles into the void.
~~~
Why was I scared of this? she feels the oblivion around her slowly overtaking her making everything disappear. Hush now, you’re home. You’re safe. Forever. The thought trails until all that is left is Oblivion. I turn my head to Scorch, stepping to her side. She’s with me now. Safe. Happy. My voice, so different from when Hestia had been there; a constant companion in this strange world I do not understand to navigate. I need a guide. Someone to show me what pulls my Hestia from my embrace. So much pain she holds, I do not understand why she would leave the bliss we have together. This world, so bent on destruction. A goddess who I have yet to find. I just don’t understand. Help me understand. I want to meet this being she starves for attention from. I want to ask it many questions. I want to understand, so I may help her. Help others like her. Help Scorch, I know she feels many of the same things that Hestia does. They all come to me eventually.
"I am here because when all else fails, when all the other mighty gods have gone off to war, I am all that's left.
I am the last Olympian
OOC:
College is getting to be to much for me right now and I can't keep up with life, college and ponies. I thought that things would smooth out when I got into University, but Uni is going to also be quarterly instead of semesters so crazy is not going to end, and I need to take some classes this summer. Crazy is only going to get worse for the next four years (at least). So this is me quiting. Idk when or if I'll be back. Only pony I'm giving away is Oblivion to Sid so that plots do not need to be dropped that involve Nerine's resident demon. Also Sid has agreed to have Scorch take over for Hestia in Nerine. (thank you so much lovely) You all have been awesome in helping me get Nerine back to life! <3
I'll come back and check my PM's for the next week if any of you have any questions. Sorry to those who've been waiting on posts from me for so long
I honestly wasn't ignoring you! Just can't seem to juggle everything anymore.
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