Out with the golden we sew, and the lower past that crawls.
Now, to the doorway you run, to the girl that's not lost.
Now, to the doorway you run, to the girl that's not lost.
I'm alive.
(You deserve to be fucking dead. Rotting. You are worthless.)
There's an emptiness inside of me that Abysm used to fill; my son...
(It's a miracle you're alive and yet you abandoned him. What kind of sick joke is that, Kagerus? Who the fuck do you think you are, bending the rules? It'll kill you one day. Sooner than you think.)
I'm not abandoning him, he's just with Rapt for now - I can't bring them to Hyaline yet, it's too much activity for them.
(You're ashamed of his existence. Ashamed that you lived, after proclaiming to the world that you would die. Do everyone a favour and go kill yourself - it'd only make things right.)
The lake looks particularly deep, today. I am standing shoulder deep, nose barely above the crystalline surface, eyes staring into my reflection as this conversation goes on inside of my head. My shallow breathing doesn't even distort the image; I am face to face with the monster I am, have always been, will always be. The smell of afterbirth slowly seeps from my skin as I stand, doused in the water; my face is blank, but my mind races, attacking itself, folding in until nothing remains.
Kagerus...
I start at the whisper, losing my footing and slipping beneath the water with a cry that gets sharply cut off by the all-consuming waters. At first, I struggle to right myself in the shallow water - but then, I am drifting, bubbles seeping from between my parted lips. The serenity of the blue-green haze enraptures me, calms my screaming mind to the point that I want to take the water into my mouth, to taste the freedom it so easily offers me. My eyes drift shut, body losing all muscle tone, my being finally at peace with what is to come --
Something buffets me from beneath and suddenly I am above the water, coughing up a lung of water and completely disoriented. There's the sound of someone talking to me, but I can't make out their words; my coughs echo across the lake, and my figure jolts violently with each expulsion of water. Eventually, however, the crescendo of my suicide attempt dies down, and my brain is forced to take in its surroundings: I am forced to see her.
Solace.
(A night spent in her embrace, with her tears staining my skin; I remember her like the moon remembers the sun, a distance between them so impossible and yet her light reflecting off of me. When the night terrors come and the voice in my head attacks me, I realize now that it's her face I always imagine to ward off these evils: and yet here, in this life, I have just tried to kill myself before her very eyes. I am truly worthless to her, now; no matter how much I beg, no matter how much I keen and cry... She will not have me. I am my own destruction.)
"Please," I sputter, tears rolling down my already wet face. "Please d-don't leave me."
(You deserve to be fucking dead. Rotting. You are worthless.)
There's an emptiness inside of me that Abysm used to fill; my son...
(It's a miracle you're alive and yet you abandoned him. What kind of sick joke is that, Kagerus? Who the fuck do you think you are, bending the rules? It'll kill you one day. Sooner than you think.)
I'm not abandoning him, he's just with Rapt for now - I can't bring them to Hyaline yet, it's too much activity for them.
(You're ashamed of his existence. Ashamed that you lived, after proclaiming to the world that you would die. Do everyone a favour and go kill yourself - it'd only make things right.)
The lake looks particularly deep, today. I am standing shoulder deep, nose barely above the crystalline surface, eyes staring into my reflection as this conversation goes on inside of my head. My shallow breathing doesn't even distort the image; I am face to face with the monster I am, have always been, will always be. The smell of afterbirth slowly seeps from my skin as I stand, doused in the water; my face is blank, but my mind races, attacking itself, folding in until nothing remains.
Kagerus...
I start at the whisper, losing my footing and slipping beneath the water with a cry that gets sharply cut off by the all-consuming waters. At first, I struggle to right myself in the shallow water - but then, I am drifting, bubbles seeping from between my parted lips. The serenity of the blue-green haze enraptures me, calms my screaming mind to the point that I want to take the water into my mouth, to taste the freedom it so easily offers me. My eyes drift shut, body losing all muscle tone, my being finally at peace with what is to come --
Something buffets me from beneath and suddenly I am above the water, coughing up a lung of water and completely disoriented. There's the sound of someone talking to me, but I can't make out their words; my coughs echo across the lake, and my figure jolts violently with each expulsion of water. Eventually, however, the crescendo of my suicide attempt dies down, and my brain is forced to take in its surroundings: I am forced to see her.
Solace.
(A night spent in her embrace, with her tears staining my skin; I remember her like the moon remembers the sun, a distance between them so impossible and yet her light reflecting off of me. When the night terrors come and the voice in my head attacks me, I realize now that it's her face I always imagine to ward off these evils: and yet here, in this life, I have just tried to kill myself before her very eyes. I am truly worthless to her, now; no matter how much I beg, no matter how much I keen and cry... She will not have me. I am my own destruction.)
"Please," I sputter, tears rolling down my already wet face. "Please d-don't leave me."
Kagerus
sweet nothing
@[Solace] uhm so this spiralled wildly out of control ENJOY.
![[Image: kag]](https://78.media.tumblr.com/2e8039018ce4dff6112c167ec23e886a/tumblr_p72zjit7wC1s5a0qvo1_100.png)
dreamweaver