[mature] there is no other version of this story; kagerus

[Kagerus]

Out with the golden we sew, and the lower past that crawls.
Now, to the doorway you run, to the girl that's not lost.

I've tried not to think about it.
(Don't lie, little girl, he's all you think about, gnawing on your mind.)
The emotional energy required to analyze what happened, to truly consider and weigh the dream - I don't have it.
(You're scared that you went too far. It's not a matter of energy. Stop fighting yourself.)
That's not who I am, and I need to respect myself.
(Then close your eyes and dream, girl - for that is who you are. Dream of him.)

(Of Rapt.

Of the way his golden skin moulded perfectly to the inside of your mouth, and the way his blood tasted like manna - intoxicating, sent from the gods. You're thinking of how willingly he fell into your dream, like a fly headed straight for the web: you're enthralled by his obedience, by his beauty, by the way he calls you a wonder and means it. Don't fucking lie to yourself. You can't concentrate on anything except him.)

I find myself here often, beside the river. It is where I dwelt for a long time, hidden in the shadows: perhaps it is that same obscurity which I now seek. But I was also found, here - by Insignificance. Brought back into the realm of the living, to join a kingdom, to become a public figure, yes, that's me, Kagerus the diplomat: Kagerus the sister: not Kagerus the dreamer.

(You're killing me, here.)

I'm here all the same when he calls to me - as always, as always, I am caught off guard by his arrival. Flinching, and then backing away. I haven't - I'm not - it's too soon. Every nerve buzzes, waiting for some direction to fire in, caught in time and space. I am electric.

And he is a body of water.

Stay. Please, stay.

He is more beautiful than I remember. Golden as always, but marked: two darker patches, my mark, that which he shall always bear. It is the sight of myself on him that steadies me. That eases me forward, step by step, until I am nearly touching him - but then I stop.

(It's too easy, isn't it, my girl. Too easy to give in to the need - to control.)

"I missed you."

Kagerus

sweet nothing

@[rapt]