11-17-2017, 08:51 PM
if there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes
He had thought that his hallucinatory journey with Jah-Lilah had been a mere hallucination. A panther child had been birthed, one that called to him and possessed his undying love from the moment Amet had seen him through the colorful waves. The gilded stallion had put no weight behind the drug-fueled dreams other than in the wisdom that the red wytch had shared with him. But maybe... could it be? Could the peyote have opened a window to the future for him to gaze into? Incredulity at the possibility draws him from his anger, thrusting it away as his amber eyes search the raging inferno of Ciri's silver ones.
He had always known her capable of anger. Had always suspected that she knew how to harness the power of the stars even before she had been gifted the ability to do so. No ─ he had not thought the smoky mare meek or fragile. It's the direction of the anger that has pushed him onto his heels. It's that the anger is directed at him.
His brows furrow, sad at this realization, as the last acrid remnants of his own rage fade, threatening to return him to his indifference. The young stallion inhales shakily as Ciri's last scathing retort berates his ears and he wills himself to say something to comfort her, to not let her leave as she turns to go. His tongue feels thick as he whispers, "Wait..." and then searches frantically for something else to say. Something to make it better despite the rage and hurt in her eyes.
Despite his own desire to be that young colt from the Dunes again.
The silence between them stretches for an extra beat, and then two. How to tell her how much she means? How ecstatic he is that they will be parents together? How to tell her that despite these feelings, he is still heartbroken. Still uncertain of his own worth.
"Despite my charm," he finally says, quiet but reminiscent of the day he'd asked her to stay in Hyaline, when he'd surprised her with their private den... when they'd explored their own affections and each others' bodies, "I still have no idea what I'm doing." He nickers quietly to her, hoping that she will stay long enough for him to say more.
"I love you, Ciri, with every fiber of my being. And I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I'm so..." he clears his throat, head tossing to rid his amber eyes of his forelock and also to bide time, to find the correct way to explain, "... torn. Because I want to be your one and only. Just as I'd like you to be mine. But I... I'm afraid... that asking that of you could make you resent me in the future." He frowns, his amber eyes searching her gaze even though they beg to look elsewhere, afraid to say the wrong thing. "I don't want to cage you, akmar, I just want you to be happy. I just hope that your happiness is with me."
The leather-plated king takes a step towards the scarred mare, the mother of his unborn child, and he craves to diminish the distance between them entirely. He yearns to pull her close, but he can't yet ─ not when he is still unsure of what she wants. "A child, akmar," he whispers quietly, his eyes drawn to her widening barrel, "Our child." He feels so small in this great big world, but now so powerful. They had created life, the two of them, out of their love. He just hopes that it is not too late, that the wedge between them has not created a permanent crevice.
"You are so beautiful," he lets slip as his gaze returns to her swirling silver eyes, hesitant and hopeful as they stand surrounded by the sounds of Ischia.
Amet
@[Ciri]