tantalize
I'll believe in you and trust
On the day you finally see the way you treated me
Was a far cry from love
I see you. Through flickering coals and deep ruby reds, she sees him too. The heat of his cheek burning against hers, the flicker of flames boiling in her chest. Ribbons of what was left of her tattered heart are now frenzied as they batter about in it’s cage. Never had she felt so hesitant, so indecisive. She knows that look in his eyes, he wants her. It was a look she had once lived for, had created wars for. Now she’s afraid to take it, to run with it like she use to. His lust is evident as surely her’s is, reflected in the dark gilded edges of her iris’s. Her breath soft, constricted in her throat. Even if she wasn’t so mentally scarred by the last sexual encounter she had ever had, there is something more here that makes her unbalanced. That frightens her. The way he holds himself, the dark brooding behind the crimson. She can practically feel the way his shoulders sag with the burdens placed before him. Some of the pain she understands completely, some she does not. Just as he cannot fully comprehend the trauma she had endured.
A glimmer of a possibility. That’s enough to make her wary, to pull away. Despite her ferocity, her beauty, she had always been passed over for another. What she had to offer had never been enough. Set aside by both who she had carefully handed her heart to, each handed back in worse condition then the last. Lion had been all regret when she had taken him captive, wrapped him in vines, let the Sisters spit on him. The aftermath of what their love had turned to (but it was never love, not from him) vengeful and full of wrath. It didn’t matter what she did, what he said. It would never undo what had been done. The rape itself had been bad enough but the reasons behind it worse. For he was setting her aside for the Gates Queen, he did it to prove it to himself. She’s convinced of that.
For a moment the fierceness of her is slightly softened, biting for a moment at her lower lip. For just a moment she feels a brick come loose in the crusting mortar. His lips are grazing against her skin and her eyelids slowly close. Taking a cautious step closer, the long tangled strands against his neck tickling her nostrils. His body shifts, just to be more comfortable, a movement done without another thought. Feeling the weight of his chest against hers and instantly she’s transported back. To that place, to that moment. When Lion had collided into her, when he had gripped her neck and pinned her down.
Instantly she is spinning, jumping back as if she’s been scalded. The finely curved ears pinned against her skull, tendrils of black whipping about her face as she practically spats and coils her muscles in a slight half rear. ”No!”, a dappled forelimb flung out, a whirl of spots. Ivory teeth snap slightly in warning, wild instinct making her forget all decorum. Making her forget who he was.
Shaking, she stares at him wide eyed as she lands. Regretful but not embarrassed. ”I’m sorry.” The words raw in her dry throat. Pain in the dark pools of her eyes, but not ashamed. Never ashamed. ”I’m not… Ready.” She finally releases the word through clenched teeth. Perhaps she was too much baggage, perhaps she would never be ready. She turns her head towards the ocean, seeking it’s calmness to soothe the throbbing she feels within. Waiting for the moment he would turn and go. Like they all did in the end.