when i walk inside the party - girls on me
Sometimes it was hard to sleep. For so long he’d always slept curled at her side, so close and nestled together. Always together. Until the day Dad had told him… to back off a bit, essentially. That it was wrong, the way he was so close to her. Too close to her. And she was too close to him, too. But maybe Dad didn’t quite see that part. Or, he probably did. Kharon was… well, it was up to him to do the right thing. Dad hadn’t told her to keep more distant from him, he’d told Kharon. It was up to him.
And he tried.
And he’d failed.
But maybe he was still trying.
Damn, but it was hard though. So many times he’d nearly crawled back to her side at night, ready to fall asleep with her as they always had. Only to stop short and abruptly turn away, sulk to Dad’s side instead. Curl near him instead. Not so Dad could keep an eye on him. He trusted him. But, so Kharon would have at least someone while Kylin had Mom or Kali or Reilly to sleep closer to if she wanted. It just wasn’t the same though. It wasn’t them together as they’d always been.
He might have cried himself to sleep those first few nights. The separation was so painful. So, so deep and aching as if he’d had to cut out his own heart and leave his chest gaping and hollow and bare. Maybe it had been long enough though. Maybe it was okay to sleep at her side again, and this time… This time he only stayed with his father long enough to brush his cheek against that solid neck, rubbed into him a good bit because he would miss Dad so much. Then he said goodnight so softly and walked to where Kylin lay.
He hesitated, staring down at her, uncertain if she’d even let him come back. But he had to try. The distance was too much, he didn’t want it. He could be good. He would. He wouldn’t mess up again. Maybe. He’d try not to, of course. But he hadn’t seen her since last night, when he’d come back from his time with Umbra and… and messed up. They’d both cried. Held each other and cried. She didn’t understand his distance when he’d always been so very close to her. And he felt trapped, and confused, and helpless. And wrong. There must be something wrong with him.
Kylin… he started softly, tears already threatening to moisten his eyes, but he held them back. Afraid she would reject him. But he knew she had every right to. And he’d respect that, of course. He’d walk away if she didn’t want him. He would. And he’d make sure she didn’t know how bad it would hurt, so she wouldn’t feel bad for hurting him. Because even when he deserved it, he knew she hated when he was hurting. He swallowed, and whispered in her mind. Can I come back? Can I - Is it okay if… I sleep here with you? Like they used to.