Bound for trouble from the start
I've been walking through this old world in the dark
Perhaps his words were too harsh. There are small fleeting memories. The first time he had properly met his father, when he had been pulled into his embrace and felt true affection for the first time in his whole existence. Of laughter beneath the beautiful tree that had once stood proudly in the Gates. The swelling of pride in his chest when people compared father and son for it had been wonderful to be acknowledged as his. Of him being by his side when he had thought he had killed him, after escaping from Carnage’s sadistic hands. But it’s that final memory that brings the anger back up, scorching and crackling within him. It all could have been avoided from the start, it all could have been so very different from the beginning.
She won’t take his apology and with a certain stubbornness (a trait that seemed to come more from his mother’s side of the family) he refuses to accept that. ”I’m not sorry for what I said.” Because it’s true, Ledger doesn’t tell lies. Only what he feels, what he sees. ”I’m sorry for yelling at you. I don’t even know you. But you’re not the one I should be yelling at.” Another roll of bony shoulders as he turns his head away. Having one eye was sometimes useful, helped him avoid awkward situations and pretend he wasn’t there.
A soft touch beneath the empty hollow makes him go stiff. Ears flicking slightly back, so unused to the touch of another. He can’t help but shudder, not because it was unpleasant. Far from it. It’s almost too much to bare. The softest caress, she’s pulled back so quickly that he doesn’t realize it. Can feel the tingling over his puckered skin as if she was still there. Quieting a moan that threatens to escape from pursed lips for she has no idea how painful it is. How his hurt controls his life, constantly swirls about inside him. He carries it like a cross, this heavy burden he wears and has worn since the day he was born.
Despite the lightness in her voice, the small attempt at humor she offers like a lifejacket, he can’t grab it. ”I am drowning.” The confession falls from him, unable to hold it back. He is succumbing to a sea of depression and destruction and has no idea how to stop it. She is a complete stranger and yet he can't stop this tidal wave of emotion she brings out of him. Something about her has stirred the darkest part of himself.
The sky is turning to brilliant shades of pink and purples, casting a soft haze over them. Darkness threatens to come and he knows that once again he will not sleep tonight. ”I am drowning…” He repeats to himself and in the back of his mind the little colt wishes with all it’s might that Magnus was here.
Ledger