Bound for trouble from the start
I've been walking through this old world in the dark
That’s what he always failed to see, how much alike the two stallions were. Both brooding souls wrestling with some inner turmoil, a private battle. Nobody was ever allowed in. The few times he had actually been able to be with Magnus had been fleeting. When his father was in the embrace of another, some walls seemed to always come down. With Ledger however, he had always seemed walled up. Distant. When they had finally found each other, he couldn’t lie and say that he hadn’t tried. He did. But it wasn’t enough. He just wanted to be enough for him. It was his own disappointment in himself that burns this unbridled anger towards Magnus. That he will never live up to that expectation.
She’s upset with him but he can’t help himself. His jaw tightens as she becomes defensive. He instantly thinks she’s protecting his father, a man who certainly doesn’t need protection. ”I’m not writing you off.” He snaps, gold flecks brightening as he turns his head back to her, snorting with his agitation. The bear doing summersaults within his belly, it can’t come out but it will egg him on. His blood pressure rising with the indignity of it all. ”Of course he was at your side. He always is, for everyone else but his own flesh and blood.” The words are brutal and raw, his voice rising without him realizing. Not caring that hot tears have spilled down his cheek. He is unashamed and angry and god dammit he had every right to be.
”Do you see me?” He demands, closing the gap between them. This raggedy icy stallion suddenly fueled by a long subdued fire. ”How can you defend him? Look at me. No, look at me!” He cries out, forcing his words to make her take in the true horror of what had been done to him. The claw marks over the empty socket. The scars that rip and tear all over his bony body. The brand that curls into his flesh. ”I’m so glad he was there to help you. Pity he wasn’t there to help me. Again.” He spits darkly, growling angrily before spinning away from her.
His skin trembles across his bones, he is shaking and his breathing is ragged. As soon as he hears her quiet No, he blocks out the rest of what she says. It doesn’t matter. His laughter is cold and hollow, as hollow as his empty socket. ”I bet you anything he told you about Joelle…” His laughter continues but it’s breaking, he is breaking, unable to hold it back any longer. ”He did didn’t he?” And even if she says nothing her silence says anything. ”He always talks about her but never about his own son.” Never him or his mother. The forgotten child. The one that never mattered.
Little does he know that Magnus had once come close to spilling it all. That it had literally been on the tip of his tongue. But he doesn’t know this and so his anger remains, fading ever so slightly but still burning and seething inside of him. "Magnus only loves himself." Of course there's a flicker of doubt in his words but he doesnt care anymore. Too busy fighting through his sorrow that is quickly swallowing him whole, the nurse that comes to fix what the fire has done. Fights through tears and heartache as he mumbles. "If he loved you why is he not here?" The question that had been unspoken and hanging in the air, the elephant in the room. He should feel sorry but he isn't, not one bit. The truth always hurts.
Ledger