[private] can't you see my mind is a burning hell? || ledger [m]

[Ellyse]

Ellyse

I'm the only one who will walk across a fire for you.

it's only fear that makes you run, the demons that you're hiding from.

  ”Don’t,” she says quietly, suddenly, the wilted wallflower hidden within the golden flecks of her eyes gone – and left in its wake is a fierce, biting glower, her jaw tensed as her teeth clench together. He is dismissive, with dismay and disappointment etched into his features – the irritable sigh, the scrutinizing scowl, and that is what stirs her ire from the hearth of her chest.

  It is a hefty reminder of the darker moments shared with Magnus, close to an icy, beckoning sea, drawn out into the shallow water with the strength of the current pressing urgently against their bodies, longing to pull them out further. A reminder of his self-loathing, his melancholy woe, his condemnation for the anguish the world has caused him. If Ledger is not familiar in any other way, the defeatism and anger bubbling beneath every one of his terse words is enough to convince her that she must be of Magnus’ bloodline.

  ”Don’t. Don’t write me off – I can see it in the way that you are looking at me, and you are wrong.” She is stiffened now; defensive. She knew much about Magnus, but never enough – never enough. She knew of the great, unparalleled loves that had taken the larger pieces of his bruised and battered heart; she knew the smallest wisps of his past that he would allow her to guard beneath the pale light of the moon, when the loneliness and longing crept in.

  And in the end, she did not want to be just another number – another notch in his bedpost ( even if it were true). ”Your father was the only one who stood beside me, even when I did not deserve it,”(her voice fades then, for a moment) ”and above all else, he was a friend.”

  A friend, a fleeting, distant lover –
  A friend that had unknowingly betrayed her trust, abandoned her and their unborn daughter.

  Warily, her gaze falters, averting to the horizon where the bleak sunlight lay draped over the gentle slopes of distant mountains. The air is thick and rife with emotion, and she can feel the aching disappointment seeping from his pores, she can see the defeat etched into his posture, and she quietly contemplates – she had been selfish; Magnus had touched so many lives. Not only her own.

  She was not the only one with a right to anger.

   Did he ever mention me?

  ”No, but he held a lot of pain, and a lot of guilt for those he left behind,” she murmurs softly, ”he lived a many more lifetimes than I. Many more than maybe even you.” But she does not doubt that he has seen much – the heavy scarring over his eye is a telling tale in and of itself. ”It would be impossible for me to know all that ailed him. It does not mean that you weren’t important to him, or that he did not love you.”

  The words felt foreign – a bitter, acrid bile, rising in her throat.
  If only she could wholly believe the words she was telling him.
  If only she felt that way.

  One day.

when all your promises are gone, I'm the only one.