05-17-2017, 01:41 PM
He realizes a moment too late that he has perhaps hurt her with his confession and its lack of explanation. He confuses her, he knows: confused by his hot and cold disposition, the warm fleeting touches of his ravenous lips against her skin, burning and damp, yet hesitant – and then his words laced with doubt and unfamiliarity. He cannot understand the emotions he is feeling. His fondness for her twists up inside him in an attempt to fill his chest, yet instead finds the grief that normally resides there – warping what should be an affectionate, loving feeling (and leading to what they both profoundly craved) into something perplexing to him that was also somehow sinister. Would he dampen her brightness? Would he stifle her raw beauty and charisma with his greedy touches, consume her innocent smile, and replace it with the thin line of a frown that had become his own?
It was too much. There was so much she didn’t know about him, so much that she didn’t understand yet. There was a dark piece of his past that he had been able to hide selfishly and disguise from her so that she would not be able to see the deepest, blackest depths of him. He felt inadequate to her, paling in comparison to the joy and love that she so willingly offers him. He cannot accept her advances, yet at the same time cannot tear himself away from her. He refuses to push her away, but too close and she might break.
She leads him and he follows willingly. Much like their first day in Tephra together, she sets the pace. It is much different this time, though. As they walk, his legs felt heavy as his hooves drag through the soft sand. Tired…so tired. He knows he is ruining the moment – the luster that once held their gaze is replaced with solemnity. Her demeanor has changed and it worries him that she has to adjust to him. She is so kind, so gentle…so understanding though she really didn’t understand at all. It pains him, makes him feel guilty.
His knees buckle and he allows himself to fall into the ground, a heavy sigh leaving him as his body meets the coolness of the silvery sand, illuminated with the moon’s glow. She is patient with him, leisurely grooming him as she simply waits, not pressing him to explain. She carefully presses her lips to his closed eyes, comforting and soothing him in the only way she knew how. Again, he finds himself searching her skin with his velvety lips as if the patterns of her body would hold some kind of answer for him, tracing the delicate curves of her cheek absentmindedly.
After a few moments of silence that is only interrupted by the sound of waves raking against the distant shoreline he finally speaks, finishing the sentence he had begun when they were standing in the tide. His voice is quieter now, feeble as it leaves his lips and muffled against the gold of her skin. “I can’t…I can’t ask you to give me yourself when you do not know me as well as you should. It would be selfish of me.” His voice is still burning against her skin. He cannot veil it from her anymore if he wishes to be close to her. He wants her to return to him next winter...
“There is a legend in my family. The stars look down on us, our ancestors of old, to guide us on our journey as we live beneath them. We reconnect with the stars and our families when we die. Sometimes, though, a horse of our lineage who is pure of heart and untainted by the cruel injustices that inhabit the world, the stars will scoop them up and let them join in the heavens with them. A year ago, I was on the mountain when magic was stripped from Beqanna and its inhabitants. I was with my family. My mother and my twin sister, the only two I knew in Beqanna at the time.” He stops, feeling his voice quaking and his throat closing up as the grief in his heart looms forward, anxious to be released. He lets out a shuddering breath, his heart pounding wildly in his chest as the memories flood him. “One moment they were with me. Living and breathing, safe by my side - and in the next, vanished. Gone, like mist when the sun rises. They left no trace, save for the pieces of stardust that they left in their wake.” He pauses, his voice heavy and weary from just the few moments of explaining. He can feel the familiar prick of hot tears behind his eyes, but his auburn lids close tightly to keep them from falling.
The abandonment, the grief of sudden loss, still hangs heavy on his face. It still stings him as if it had happened yesterday. “I don’t know why I wasn’t able to go with them. I can’t figure out why. What did the stars see in me that wasn’t worthy?” Was there something in him that he didn’t see yet, that the galaxies and nebulae already could? Was there a darkness in him that left him to wander Earth alone, unable to reunite with his family…a darkness he could not escape?
“Sometimes, it is too much to bear. I enjoy my life. I love Tephra. But some days, the reality of my being left behind makes it so I cannot move, cannot think, cannot breathe. I didn't even get to say goodbye.”
It was too much. There was so much she didn’t know about him, so much that she didn’t understand yet. There was a dark piece of his past that he had been able to hide selfishly and disguise from her so that she would not be able to see the deepest, blackest depths of him. He felt inadequate to her, paling in comparison to the joy and love that she so willingly offers him. He cannot accept her advances, yet at the same time cannot tear himself away from her. He refuses to push her away, but too close and she might break.
She leads him and he follows willingly. Much like their first day in Tephra together, she sets the pace. It is much different this time, though. As they walk, his legs felt heavy as his hooves drag through the soft sand. Tired…so tired. He knows he is ruining the moment – the luster that once held their gaze is replaced with solemnity. Her demeanor has changed and it worries him that she has to adjust to him. She is so kind, so gentle…so understanding though she really didn’t understand at all. It pains him, makes him feel guilty.
His knees buckle and he allows himself to fall into the ground, a heavy sigh leaving him as his body meets the coolness of the silvery sand, illuminated with the moon’s glow. She is patient with him, leisurely grooming him as she simply waits, not pressing him to explain. She carefully presses her lips to his closed eyes, comforting and soothing him in the only way she knew how. Again, he finds himself searching her skin with his velvety lips as if the patterns of her body would hold some kind of answer for him, tracing the delicate curves of her cheek absentmindedly.
After a few moments of silence that is only interrupted by the sound of waves raking against the distant shoreline he finally speaks, finishing the sentence he had begun when they were standing in the tide. His voice is quieter now, feeble as it leaves his lips and muffled against the gold of her skin. “I can’t…I can’t ask you to give me yourself when you do not know me as well as you should. It would be selfish of me.” His voice is still burning against her skin. He cannot veil it from her anymore if he wishes to be close to her. He wants her to return to him next winter...
“There is a legend in my family. The stars look down on us, our ancestors of old, to guide us on our journey as we live beneath them. We reconnect with the stars and our families when we die. Sometimes, though, a horse of our lineage who is pure of heart and untainted by the cruel injustices that inhabit the world, the stars will scoop them up and let them join in the heavens with them. A year ago, I was on the mountain when magic was stripped from Beqanna and its inhabitants. I was with my family. My mother and my twin sister, the only two I knew in Beqanna at the time.” He stops, feeling his voice quaking and his throat closing up as the grief in his heart looms forward, anxious to be released. He lets out a shuddering breath, his heart pounding wildly in his chest as the memories flood him. “One moment they were with me. Living and breathing, safe by my side - and in the next, vanished. Gone, like mist when the sun rises. They left no trace, save for the pieces of stardust that they left in their wake.” He pauses, his voice heavy and weary from just the few moments of explaining. He can feel the familiar prick of hot tears behind his eyes, but his auburn lids close tightly to keep them from falling.
The abandonment, the grief of sudden loss, still hangs heavy on his face. It still stings him as if it had happened yesterday. “I don’t know why I wasn’t able to go with them. I can’t figure out why. What did the stars see in me that wasn’t worthy?” Was there something in him that he didn’t see yet, that the galaxies and nebulae already could? Was there a darkness in him that left him to wander Earth alone, unable to reunite with his family…a darkness he could not escape?
“Sometimes, it is too much to bear. I enjoy my life. I love Tephra. But some days, the reality of my being left behind makes it so I cannot move, cannot think, cannot breathe. I didn't even get to say goodbye.”
like the sun,
swallowed up by the earth
warrick
@[Tangerine]