He could practically feel her hesitate and stiffen at the distance he forced between them. Dammit, that made his heart hurt, that it would have such a harmful affect on her. But, wasn't he supposed to calm down, relax for her? Not crave her touch. Fuck, don't think about it. Calming, calming. He'd be a friend for her. That was what she needed. He could do that.
His head ducked beneath the water, trying to chill his thoughts, cool his body that ran so hot for her. God, he was such an ass. This wasn't what she needed, wasn't what she wanted. He just wanted to give her whatever was right for her, whatever he could do. Even if he had to fight his nature the whole way. The current gradually washed away the blood from his wounds as he raised his head again. For a brief moment, his heart nearly stopped. She'd moved nearer. Just a little.
If he did it again, would she come closer?
No, he shouldn't want that.
He glanced away instead, releasing her from the sudden weight of his stare and making his way out of the water. After motioning for her to join him, that carefully blank expression taking over her beautiful face finally trickled away to uncertainty. "I don't understand," she said, hesitant and almost cautious as she came to his side, water caressing her skin as it licked down her. But she kept a distance there between them, didn't sink into his chest as she had before. It was because of him, he knew. It was what she needed, wasn't it? What was best for her. What was right for her.
"I like it, too," she added with a tentative stretch towards him. In the most natural way, he softened and reached to her too, as though she held a hand open for him to take. And of course he did, without hesitation. It was instinct to meet her with his own touch, a soft caress of their velvety dark noses and the barest breath against her skin.
"I came here with you," she whispered with a small step closer. That, too, he met with his own, thoughtless and sure. Just a step. "I didn't come here to be away from you." But didn't she see his touch was more than what she wanted? He was too much, had to rein it back for her. And damn if his heart didn't crack further with each thing she did, each thing she said, every breath she took. So slowly, so swiftly, she was breaking him apart. She was perfection. She was everything. And it was killing him.
Finally, she slid beneath his neck and into his chest again. He released a slow breath he hadn't realized he was holding as she set her cheek to his shoulder plate. So close. Her nose was so close, and he felt the flutter of warmth against him as she breathed, as he pressed lips so gently to the top of her shoulder in a return embrace. Careful, cautious, even as his heartbeat quickened just a little. Just a friend, that was what she needed. That was what he'd be for her.
"I'm not deaf, you know." She softened and pulled back to look at him. The look in her eyes held him quietly captive as she pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth before those starlight eyes were wandering up towards the sky. Naturally, his gaze slid to her lips, her jaw, her neck, tracing the contours in her temporary distraction. He could count every little hair, if he wanted. Could kiss every last one of them. What was this feeling coming over him? So smooth, so tranquil. Submissive. Yes, maybe that was it. He'd submit to anything she wanted. Whatever would make her happy again. The obsessed and possessive became the possessed.
"And I'm not entirely stupid."
Not at all stupid, he injected so quietly, automatic and confident in the truth of it, his eyes still so busy following the marble of her mixed tones. The light, the dark. The blue, the white. He should stop studying her so closely. Friends definitely don't do that. Damn, he really sucked at this.
"I don't know what I want," she admitted, her eyes coming back to him and pulling his lazily back up to her face. Why did those words sting? Didn't make much sense, there was no reason for them to. Except that he was so damn possessive, and maybe he wanted her to want him. His own problem, then. Entirely unfair to want such a thing, to even think it. "But I know I don't want the distance. Not from you."
His heart swelled unbidden as he stared down at her behind half-lidded eyes, sliding another step closer. Always saying what he longed to hear as though she knew every shadow of his darkness. She knew darkness, she controlled it. An errant thought, but one that made so much sense. She controlled him too, and only didn't yet realize it.
Every touch, too, was what he craved, just how he craved it. She was Cerva and more, that other part of him forever out of reach, eternally lost to him. She was killing him so gently, and he died willingly. Cut him, tear him apart. Bleed him out. Make him hurt with everything she was. He wanted to die at her hands.
She lifted her lips so gently to the mark of the night at his mouth, that little piece of darkness that shined with unreal stars. Ever since she'd found him in the meadow earlier that day, they had both flirted at the edge of kissing and never quite following through. A feather-light touch on faces, hungry and sweet claims on necks and shoulders, along their jaws, or a kiss there in the corner of their mouths. Neither one taking it too far. Neither one willing to push this into more.
But he really fucking sucked at control, never had a care for learning it.
And his eyes slid closed as his mouth sank to hers, tender, almost hesitant.
He shouldn't be doing this.
Fuck it.
This was who he was. He pushed boundaries, tested limits. And she'd push him away if he did too much, snap or bite a correction at him maybe. Whatever it was, he'd take it. Whatever it was, this was worth it. So he kept kissing her, slow and attentive, dimly aware of his pulse building stronger in his quiet pleasure. His mouth formed with hers in the most painful way, as though meant to be there, a careful rhythm of desire held in check for her benefit. Guarded and leashed for her.
He didn't open his eyes right away when the pressure of his lips finally faded from hers, afraid to see what was there in her face staring back at him, but when he did, they were smoldering dark in silent power and holding hers. He placed a kiss to the side of her mouth, leaving a slow trail to her cheek, her jaw, her throat. A quiet exhale into her neck near her jaw swept her scent around him, into him, and he breathed his name into her skin like a promise. One he shouldn't make, but intended to keep.
Dovev.
He whispered it. Of course, he did. That was what it meant: whisper. A secret between two thrumming hearts, a breathy sigh of unrevealed insight meant for only one other. A promise, a secret. Hers to keep, to do with as she wished.
Couldn't stop if I tried, hard to fight my design
This body was built to love you
