I won't be able to stop until you're moaning it.
Fuck.
As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to yank them back in. He closed his eyes and cringed inwardly, the muscle in his jaw twitching. Goddamned heartless bastard. So fucking stupid. And sure enough, she dropped her face away and sank deeper into his chest. He gave a short, disappointed shake of his head, before ducking to sigh softly into her hair. He was such an idiot. Sure, he’d meant the words, it’d be fucking fantastic to hear her moan his name and watch her writhe in pleasure beneath him. But damn, he didn’t have to -shouldn’t have fucking said it. Wasn’t she dealing with enough already? She just had her perfect heart shattered, she didn’t need some dumbass trying to hit on her.
I’m sorry, Luster, he said quietly with a soft kiss to the arch of her neck. That was careless of me. See, he wasn’t all bad. Somewhere in that stupid, reckless heart was some real consideration and care. God, she deserved better than he could give, but he’d try. He’d try.
He could still see that flicker of pain in her eyes as he’d shifted out of her touch, feel the sharp sting of it reflected in his chest. She wouldn’t understand how touching him so tenderly would affect him, though, and he was afraid to try and explain it. Didn’t want her to know it, to see it. He couldn’t bear to think what he’d do if that ruthless blackness in him stirred to life, the devil in him, the cruel darkness. He wasn’t a good guy, not even close. Even now, it was so tempting to throw her down and give her a matching scar on her neck as he rode her into a thrilling euphoria they’d never forget. Fuck. No, he should definitely not even think of it. It only made it worse, made him feel it stronger. Goddamn, he was terrible.
And he could still see the warm blush on her face, too, to match the growing heat in his eyes. She looked so fucking gorgeous with her skin flushed and hot, that delightful glitter of uncertainty in her impossibly deep eyes. God, and as she pressed closer into him he could feel every flawless curve of her, so supple and soft against the hard line of his body. She was so much tender delicacy to his raw strength. So right to all his wrong.
Then she reached again to care for the wounds, the so-sensitive flesh splayed from the armor plates thrusting out of him. He kissed another helpless moan into her neck, his teeth catching and pinching softly in reflex with his tongue lancing out to melt against her skin and taste her, savor her. Fuck, this wasn’t helping. He needed to calm down before he forced her into something she’d hate him forever for.
”You should have stayed that night,” she paused, weighty and quiet. He felt the guilt settle into him, remembering what he’d done to her, how he’d left her. How he had practically run from her to escape the perfection she was, all the good and the worthy and the right. Everything he had, and would, shatter and destroy. ”You should have found me first.” He sucked in a sharp breath and pulled back to stare hard into her eyes. God, that sounded so fucking good though and his heart hurt to say the words that she needed to hear.
No, please, never wish that. You would have been hurt so much worse with me. His gaze slid to the vicious scar on her neck without thinking, bringing with it a flash of pain and remorse in his face before he tucked it away behind a cold mask. You shouldn’t even be here with me now. Or ever. But damn him, he didn’t want her to leave. Wasn’t anywhere near ready to letting her go. He wanted to make everything better for her, make her world right again in whatever small way that he was able. He softened and closed his eyes, reached blindly to caress her face as gently as he could.
Come, love, he whispered into the crook of her neck and jaw. Damn, he shouldn’t call her that. She didn’t like when he called her that. But maybe there was only so much of himself that he could keep in check for her at a time, and everything else he was holding back was far more important to keep away from her. Keep her safe. Come home with me. Just for a while. You can leave whenever you want. I won’t keep you no matter how badly I might want to.
Please, he added so softly, thick lashes lowered as he stared at his feet.
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
