the good ol' days may not return || exist & leliana

[leliana]

even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
every bone screaming I don't know what we should do

They tangle together as they had in their youth, innocent, lovingly, and warm. Leliana is almost tempted to forget the rest of the world, locked here within them; she can almost forget the bruises in Cannan’s eyes and the scars on her cheek and the soft roundness to Exist’s body. She can almost forget that they are not the youthful trio they had once been, chasing each other across the soil and down the beach, diving into the gentle roll of waves as they came. She can almost forget—almost. Because these things do not leave them. They do not relinquish their sticky hold on their lives; they do not leave them without mark.

Leliana does forget the rest of it though when her sister stammers and reaches for her, and whatever piece of her selfish heart had burned with jealousy turns to ash and falls away. Suddenly, the only thing that she feels is an all-consuming love for her sister and a sudden need to wipe away the fears in her eyes, these things that she knows so well. “Shh,” she whispers, soothing her as she always has, murmuring soft words and noises into the copper and indigo of Exist. “Everything is going to be okay, sister. I promise.”

She can practically feel the fear rolling off of her sister—can practically feel the way that it bubbles up within her, dangerous and cutting and fatal. So she is gentle with how she holds her, with how she speaks, her voice low and even, soft fog rolling out across the spaces between them. “There is no need to be scared,” she reassures her, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “You are going to be an amazing mother.” She didn’t mention their mother, and the legacy she has left for them; she doesn’t mention the blemishes they carry from their abandonment, the hole carved out in both their chests where their parents should be.

Instead, she just motions to their seemingly ragtag family, to Canaan who stands so strong and sturdy next to them, to Magnus who watches over them, to Malis who is in the background—to these who are not their parents but who have stepped in, who have filled this gap in the twin’s lives as best they can. “They are so lucky to have you, Exist,” she whispers, her eyes lifting to meet Canaan’s gaze over her sister’s back, a silent promise, before she laughs softly. “And they are so lucky to have us, too.”

lelianatwo

all I know is, darling, I was made for loving you