03-16-2017, 01:45 AM
Ruan
He remembered those few days in the forest, when he'd been wild. Feral. No, not feral. He'd been in control, so much power and control. So cold. So heartless. But so powerful. He could hurt, he could destroy. And he wouldn't care.
And no pain.
Not even a little.
He was so tempted to slip into that state of mind. So tempted to not feel, not when it was this bad. Not when he could hardly breathe under the blades inside him, suffocating with so many extreme emotions, painful emotions. Drowning under the anguish, the rage, the fury. It was so much, too much, he couldn't even try to bring up a happy memory, couldn't grasp any sense of good. It burned away the good, burned away the happy, the peace.
But he couldn't become that again. He was afraid he wouldn't find his way back out of it. Afraid he would be lost to it forever, and wary of what havoc it would bring to the world. Terrified at the monster he could become if he just let go.
But he wouldn't have to feel.
So he ran like hell. Ran until the exhaustion claimed him, until he collapsed at the base of a tree with a number of scrapes and bruises, his lip split open and a cut over his eye. He breathed deeply, unconscious and unaware of the sweat that soaked and chilled him under the cool night air. Unaware of the physical pains he'd feel when he woke. Only blissfully lost to the world, emotions thankfully dulled and smothered in the black.
But he was him, and he was safe.
They were all safe.
And no pain.
Not even a little.
He was so tempted to slip into that state of mind. So tempted to not feel, not when it was this bad. Not when he could hardly breathe under the blades inside him, suffocating with so many extreme emotions, painful emotions. Drowning under the anguish, the rage, the fury. It was so much, too much, he couldn't even try to bring up a happy memory, couldn't grasp any sense of good. It burned away the good, burned away the happy, the peace.
But he couldn't become that again. He was afraid he wouldn't find his way back out of it. Afraid he would be lost to it forever, and wary of what havoc it would bring to the world. Terrified at the monster he could become if he just let go.
But he wouldn't have to feel.
So he ran like hell. Ran until the exhaustion claimed him, until he collapsed at the base of a tree with a number of scrapes and bruises, his lip split open and a cut over his eye. He breathed deeply, unconscious and unaware of the sweat that soaked and chilled him under the cool night air. Unaware of the physical pains he'd feel when he woke. Only blissfully lost to the world, emotions thankfully dulled and smothered in the black.
But he was him, and he was safe.
They were all safe.
