02-11-2017, 09:39 PM
She whispered his name and he hummed against her, loving the sound of it on her tongue as much as he always had. But what she said next changed the feeling in the air, chilled his blood and made him hesitate. Is that why you came today? He frowned and pulled back, confused. Why he came? Because Cerva was gone? Well, partly. He could come because she was gone, because he was no longer tied to her, did not have someone to be faithful to. But he still didn't have to. He could have stayed home with Atrani, should have stayed home.
But he had to see Leliana again.
I can't heal that. I can't heal the loss of her. I wish I could but I can't. His head was shaking again, and his voice was firm. No, that's not why I came to you. I don't need healing. He pulled away from her, let her have her space, disgusted at the thought of coming to her as though she could solve his problems. As though he would use her. His skin prickled and he felt like he was messing things up again. Always destroying. Cerva's abandonment hurt, shook him to his core, but he didn't need consoling or fixing. It was done, it wasn't changing, it would pass. Without her aid.
I never asked you to heal me, he pointed out. Because he'd never come to her for her magic. He came to her for her. I came because I wanted to see you. I wanted you to know.. give you a chance to leave.. His voice fell softer, broke with the thought of her leaving too. Especially her. It was barely a whisper when he continued. Before I try to keep you. But he could never keep her, could he? She'd never truly accept him, how could she? He turned to hide the hurt in his eyes. She could never be his.
But maybe he was already hers.
I should go, he said quietly, his voice hollow. He'd already broken this. And maybe he'd said too much. But he couldn't stay away, he knew. Already he thought of coming back again for her. But he needed to check on his Atrani, he needed her to stay with him, his heart.
But he had to see Leliana again.
I can't heal that. I can't heal the loss of her. I wish I could but I can't. His head was shaking again, and his voice was firm. No, that's not why I came to you. I don't need healing. He pulled away from her, let her have her space, disgusted at the thought of coming to her as though she could solve his problems. As though he would use her. His skin prickled and he felt like he was messing things up again. Always destroying. Cerva's abandonment hurt, shook him to his core, but he didn't need consoling or fixing. It was done, it wasn't changing, it would pass. Without her aid.
I never asked you to heal me, he pointed out. Because he'd never come to her for her magic. He came to her for her. I came because I wanted to see you. I wanted you to know.. give you a chance to leave.. His voice fell softer, broke with the thought of her leaving too. Especially her. It was barely a whisper when he continued. Before I try to keep you. But he could never keep her, could he? She'd never truly accept him, how could she? He turned to hide the hurt in his eyes. She could never be his.
But maybe he was already hers.
I should go, he said quietly, his voice hollow. He'd already broken this. And maybe he'd said too much. But he couldn't stay away, he knew. Already he thought of coming back again for her. But he needed to check on his Atrani, he needed her to stay with him, his heart.
