The way he looks at her – pain pouring from his eyes – stabs so deeply into her heart that she is forced to look away. Even as the words swirl in her mind Cerva realizes how much it’s going to hurt him – them – but there is nothing more that can bring her lower than she already is. Her life has brimmed with abandonment, with loneliness, and with heartache. She wasn’t good enough. She wouldn’t amount to anything. She didn’t have a purpose.
But she did!
For a fleeting second Cerva forgets about the innocent child standing off to the side, turning her head in every direction to hear her parents. With a trembling heart and a weakening soul Cerva slips toward Atrani and croons to her in a most gentle tone. ”Tephra,” she whispers almost inaudibly for no one to hear but their sightless child. She pulls away then, slowly, and returns her softened gaze to Dovev as he fights for her will, refusing to let her give up on herself, on them, on their family. The warm, spring breeze cusps her battered body so gingerly that she hardly notices its passing. Her mind, heart, and soul are swirling in tangent with Dovev, wanting – needing – him, but also just barely letting go of him, too. ”I did accept it,” she murmurs, choking on the memories, ”and I savored being the only one for you. That gave me life; that gave me hope.” Oh, how he would cradle her cheek and curl into her side, both as a young boy and an adult. It had been dream-like and she wondered how long it would be until she awakened.
She blinks.
The kiss that he trails on her neck leaves behind a blossoming electricity that spreads into her veins and through her entire body. It brings her back to before their daughter, before the pregnancy, before his abandonment. Even as she is falling into pieces, a smile tilts her velvet lips. He has always known how to make her smile, envelope her in adoration, but that was before everything came crashing down.
”Dovev,” she enjoys saying his name despite what has happened these past months because it was all she had known for these years. She knew him, said only his name, melted into only his touch. ”Can you take our daughter out of the meadow? I don’t want her here,” because this is where it all began and ended. The meadow is a place of pain and loss. What begins as emphatic joy shatters into shards of glass here. A smile slips across her lips as she tries desperately to mask the pain that is ripping through her insides. ”I want to regain my strength,” she lies convincingly behind a loving stare that dances between him and Atrani, ”but I will catch up with you.” Again, another lie.
”My happiness is right in front of us,” she tries to direct him to their daughter, to look at her even as she cannot look back at them. The loving croon from mother to daughter is lasting and honeyed with affection. Even with the rage that had exploded around them earlier, even with the deceit and heartache, Cerva still looks fondly at the small child. ”It’s us,” Cerva whispers to Dovev, implying the beautiful foal they’ve made together, and with a sideways glance, she reiterates herself, ”Take us out of the meadow, away from here.” Intending for only he and Atrani to leave, to abandon her for the final time. ”Let me rest.”
Cerva