tell me you love me just one more time; viscera

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

 

Leliana was made to heal, to soothe and yet she carried inside of her shards of glass that she could not rid herself of. With each breath, she felt them digging in deeper, her breath painful, her lungs constricting. She woke up in cold sweats, her traitorous wings wrapped around her gently and transformed into that brutal reminder, the bone and black leather a crushing reminder of him. She always changed them quickly, back to soft red down or glinting copper, but that didn't stop the pain. Worse, it didn't stop the glimmer of hope, that split second between dream and awake when she saw the onyx and ivory and murmured deep in her throat, the need to curl into him instinctive. 

And then the reminder.

That crushing, bruising reminder when the fog cleared and he wasn't there. 

She didn't talk of it, the embarrassment, the hurt, not even with Exist. It was too much to confront. Too much to comprehend. Instead she turned toward others as best she could, helping where she was needed, healing from afar when she was not. It eased her soul; it was easier to sleep when exhaustion finally caught her instead of waiting for slumber. 

Today was no different. She had left Tephra early, unfurling her wings into crimson dragon wings, the leather rich and strong, the talons copper. She soared over the forest, refusing to look down. He could be there. Like he was last time. She pushed herself faster, wings pumping strongly until the trees melted away and it was nothing but the meadow, soft grass swaying beneath the sun as it peeked over the horizon. 

She landed gently, head turning from the corner where she had first met Dovev toward the belly of the common land, the swath of land where groups congregated and peeled apart. For a moment, she closed her hazel eyes, unrooting the healing from her chest so that it could seek out into the crowd around her. Minor aches and bruises were soothed, small scrapes knit together again. She sighed gently when her powers came back to nest in her chest, and she dropped her head, chin resting against the mahogany of her breast.

Today would be better, she lied to herself. 

It had to be.  

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

@[Cassi]