Ugh, he can’t even look at me, fuck, he’s gonna bolt. I can’t blame him, it’s not fair to expect him to stick around when things just got complicated and I mean we’re friends, right, but he’s only known me for...like a year...and maybe that’s expendable. Maybe I’m expendable, when being around me is...complicated, whatever, it’s fine, I’ll be fine. I’m bracing myself for goodbye and getting ready to not fucking cry ‘til I get wrapped up in Rhory’s arms and can fall apart in peace. And the ache in my chest has little moonbeam squirming about, stirring in silent protest at the -- well probably more at the way I’m tensed up, stomach clenched, waiting for the blow, but it feels like the kid’s upset that I’m upset, and I’ll take what I can get right now.
But then. When I’m trying to be all understanding and kind of lying through my teeth that it’d be okay if he wanted to leave and not talk to me anymore, instead of taking the out I’m offering him, he finally meets my eyes. Hell, he stares right into me, jaw clenched, right in my face as he growls, “I run from nothing.”
Not quite the blow I was expecting, but it still hits me right in the chest, followed by this inexplicable whoosh of calm that just washes right over me, chasing away the fear and the sadness, relaxing all those tensed up muscles little squish was protesting. My heart does a funny little thump thump in my chest, a fluttery little beat that’s not quite on rhythm, and I nod. “Okay.” He’s not going anywhere. Okay. Good.
There’s still fire in his eyes even as he’s tilting my chin up to look at him, to make damn sure I’m looking back when he tells me he doesn’t want me to change anything. My breath catches in my throat, and all I can do is nod. “Okay.” It’s softer this time, barely above a whisper, and even as he sighs and looks away my eyes are locked on him. He’s really staying. He reassures me one more time that it won’t happen again, and I can’t quite stop myself from taking a step closer, reaching out to bump my nose gently against his shoulder.
“I know,” I murmur, looking up at him and taking a deep breath as I nod again. “I trust you.”
And then, to make things easier on both of us, I take a step back and coax my face into a sassy grin. “Well since you’re not running away, I’ll make sure this squishy little moonbeam of mine” because fuck it, he’s heard the nickname often enough that I’ve given up pretending “drives you far crazier than I do. You still sure you want to be its Uncle Kade?” And I make damn sure that last question is said with a sassy grin, not the last echoes of the fear he’s done so much to chase away already.
But then. When I’m trying to be all understanding and kind of lying through my teeth that it’d be okay if he wanted to leave and not talk to me anymore, instead of taking the out I’m offering him, he finally meets my eyes. Hell, he stares right into me, jaw clenched, right in my face as he growls, “I run from nothing.”
Not quite the blow I was expecting, but it still hits me right in the chest, followed by this inexplicable whoosh of calm that just washes right over me, chasing away the fear and the sadness, relaxing all those tensed up muscles little squish was protesting. My heart does a funny little thump thump in my chest, a fluttery little beat that’s not quite on rhythm, and I nod. “Okay.” He’s not going anywhere. Okay. Good.
There’s still fire in his eyes even as he’s tilting my chin up to look at him, to make damn sure I’m looking back when he tells me he doesn’t want me to change anything. My breath catches in my throat, and all I can do is nod. “Okay.” It’s softer this time, barely above a whisper, and even as he sighs and looks away my eyes are locked on him. He’s really staying. He reassures me one more time that it won’t happen again, and I can’t quite stop myself from taking a step closer, reaching out to bump my nose gently against his shoulder.
“I know,” I murmur, looking up at him and taking a deep breath as I nod again. “I trust you.”
And then, to make things easier on both of us, I take a step back and coax my face into a sassy grin. “Well since you’re not running away, I’ll make sure this squishy little moonbeam of mine” because fuck it, he’s heard the nickname often enough that I’ve given up pretending “drives you far crazier than I do. You still sure you want to be its Uncle Kade?” And I make damn sure that last question is said with a sassy grin, not the last echoes of the fear he’s done so much to chase away already.