10-07-2016, 11:46 PM
She smiled at him as he focused on her, a limp and half-hearted thing. It had not at all the beauty and life that her smiles normally brought to her perfect face, and he wondered if he'd missed something rather important in his deep musings.
But she only said his name, a simple and powerful thing. It could not possibly feel the same on any other's lips but hers, and tingled through him like a jolt of electricity. A blissful little grin transformed his so-serious little face. A silent, deep sigh released from him slowly in contentment. He loved that feeling. He hoped one day to be able to return those delightful sensations to her, perhaps when he was older and larger and very much adult.
Not a little boy with a mother.
Her angelic voice continued, "You're getting too old to be around your mother?" Such an innocent question, only just barely tainted with a delicate air of doubt. It froze his heart painfully, knowing he put that uncertainty there with his selfish actions. Perhaps he had put too much distance and caused her some hurt. As the man who knew how to best care for her, he'd have to fix this.
He chose his words carefully, mindful of speaking the truth, always the truth to her, but in a way her soft heart could interpret it safely and comfortably in what she wished to hear most of all. I will never be too old to be around you, he said firmly, meaning every syllable with the whole of his entire being, his eyes wide and hopeful as if they could push all his heart-felt meaning into her.
He made a risky decision, and slid in close to her, pressing his monochromatic coat almost hesitantly against her brilliant colorful one. With a child's affection, what she truly wished for, he could be undoing everything he had worked for thus far. But wasn't her security and joy worth it?
Of course, it was.
And then he couldn't help himself. He took it a step further. Still hesitant, but with a pale glimmer of confidence, because he knew it was what he wanted, he inched forward. His velvet craned tentatively to her cheek, filling himself with her intoxicating scent. His lids drifted closed, almost sadly. This could possibly be the first, last, and only time he could ever have this. Slowly, experimentally, he lipped sweetly at her skin, as he'd seen men do. A stallion's kiss.
Guilt, and shame at his selfishness, reined him back, and he tucked his head to her chest with a shuddering sigh, too afraid to see her reaction. Maybe she'd chock it up to a child's misunderstanding, something much easier for the mind to accept. Rationalized and safe. Not at all like the painful emotions rolling through him like a hurricane. He knew he should speak, distract her, direct her attention to something else entirely.
But his mind couldn't form a clear thought just then. He could only stand there, stilled in his own misery.
But she only said his name, a simple and powerful thing. It could not possibly feel the same on any other's lips but hers, and tingled through him like a jolt of electricity. A blissful little grin transformed his so-serious little face. A silent, deep sigh released from him slowly in contentment. He loved that feeling. He hoped one day to be able to return those delightful sensations to her, perhaps when he was older and larger and very much adult.
Not a little boy with a mother.
Her angelic voice continued, "You're getting too old to be around your mother?" Such an innocent question, only just barely tainted with a delicate air of doubt. It froze his heart painfully, knowing he put that uncertainty there with his selfish actions. Perhaps he had put too much distance and caused her some hurt. As the man who knew how to best care for her, he'd have to fix this.
He chose his words carefully, mindful of speaking the truth, always the truth to her, but in a way her soft heart could interpret it safely and comfortably in what she wished to hear most of all. I will never be too old to be around you, he said firmly, meaning every syllable with the whole of his entire being, his eyes wide and hopeful as if they could push all his heart-felt meaning into her.
He made a risky decision, and slid in close to her, pressing his monochromatic coat almost hesitantly against her brilliant colorful one. With a child's affection, what she truly wished for, he could be undoing everything he had worked for thus far. But wasn't her security and joy worth it?
Of course, it was.
And then he couldn't help himself. He took it a step further. Still hesitant, but with a pale glimmer of confidence, because he knew it was what he wanted, he inched forward. His velvet craned tentatively to her cheek, filling himself with her intoxicating scent. His lids drifted closed, almost sadly. This could possibly be the first, last, and only time he could ever have this. Slowly, experimentally, he lipped sweetly at her skin, as he'd seen men do. A stallion's kiss.
Guilt, and shame at his selfishness, reined him back, and he tucked his head to her chest with a shuddering sigh, too afraid to see her reaction. Maybe she'd chock it up to a child's misunderstanding, something much easier for the mind to accept. Rationalized and safe. Not at all like the painful emotions rolling through him like a hurricane. He knew he should speak, distract her, direct her attention to something else entirely.
But his mind couldn't form a clear thought just then. He could only stand there, stilled in his own misery.
