"Doesn't mean this is nothing."
But it is nothing. She didn't understand. It was black and white for him, no gray area. There was no lover without the mate. There were no fleeting trysts for the fun of it, although that was excatly what had happened. The mad beast took over, that was all, it was not him. It was not something he would have done had he been in his right mind. He couldn't do this again.
He still felt her sweet touch on his cheek as she'd spoken to him, stating clearly that she had no expectations of him, no hopes or desires for any kind of commitment. Only fun and games. To any other stallion, this would have been reassuring; freeing, even. What man didn't want such an enticing treat he could do as he pleased with, whenever he wanted, and not be required to dote on her every word or act on her every whim to keep her happy. Or even expected to have her as the only one he took beneath him in wild passion?
Perhaps it was his father in him that made him turn away in disgust at the offer. The bastard had turned away from his own son, his first-born even, for the sole fact he had not been conceived by his wife, the queen. Ainlif was a product of just such a loveless tryst, though his fierce mother had not allowed him to speak so harshly about his sire.
With his past coming back to light, his resolve hardened. She was mind-blowingly delicious, even looking at her made his blood run hot, but he could not condemn a child to despise him as their father, as he did his. He would be a good father the next time... and he'd sure as hell not let the child be murdered as little Kinley had been.
Anguishing pain lanced through him. His baby girl.. Damn it, what had he become? Moisture threatened his eyes and again he pulled out of her reach.
"This is done," his words fell like a cold anvil on his heart, glaring at the ground to hide the pain of his past and the pain of this moment. I won't play your games anymore.
"Leave or stay. I'm done running from you. It only lands me back in your arms, anyway." He muttered some nonsense about "cruel fate" under his breath as he walked a few paces away, lowering himself heavily to the ground and sprawling out carelessly. His eyes settled on a specific knot in a tree close by, unseeing in mind-numbing sorrow.