09-17-2016, 11:51 AM
God, I just want to be warm. Just for a few minutes, even a few heartbeats, just burn the ice out of my bones and my chest, even for just one breath. Even the melting of the snow hasn’t chased it away, and I’m starting to get a little scared nothing ever will. That I’ll never be warm again. I’ve tried wrapping myself up in my wings, tried bathing in the midday sunlight, but it only warms the surface, and that only a little. Curling up all nestled against a friend, or even better yet between two friends, that’s helped the most, but even that doesn’t reach deep enough the way the fire always did.
It would be better, at least a little bit if I could be home and cuddled up to my dad, or maybe even by now I’d feel enough like family with his lady and their other kids that I could be in a big snuggly pile of baby fluff and winter coats. But Beqanna took that choice away from me just like she took the fire.
Well hello.
That thought starts a different kind of fire in my chest, one that isn’t my fire friend but it sure makes heat build and burn and threaten to boil over, a feeling I think I might love almost as much as I hate the cold. It kind of feels like the indignation and the righteous anger that flared through me while I watched my dad grovel at the proverbial feet of our vindictive god, but it’s darker somehow and deeper, and it burns hotter than that lovely anger, spreading from my chest into my belly and my limbs.
I’m not quite sure what this feeling is, but it’s glorious even if it’s a dim echo of the fire I love so much. It’s fleeting, there for an instant before it vanishes, but for just a moment I didn’t feel like I was freezing all the way down to my core. And just that little moment is enough to put me in a better mood, so I’m smiling as I wander through the meadow, my wings spread to catch the sunlight. My eyes drift closed as I let the sun sink into my feathers, into my skin, as the breeze ruffles the red of my mane and dances across the surface of my flared wings.
And I don’t even trip over a damn rock or a branch or my feet. Maybe today isn’t such a bad day after all.
It would be better, at least a little bit if I could be home and cuddled up to my dad, or maybe even by now I’d feel enough like family with his lady and their other kids that I could be in a big snuggly pile of baby fluff and winter coats. But Beqanna took that choice away from me just like she took the fire.
Well hello.
That thought starts a different kind of fire in my chest, one that isn’t my fire friend but it sure makes heat build and burn and threaten to boil over, a feeling I think I might love almost as much as I hate the cold. It kind of feels like the indignation and the righteous anger that flared through me while I watched my dad grovel at the proverbial feet of our vindictive god, but it’s darker somehow and deeper, and it burns hotter than that lovely anger, spreading from my chest into my belly and my limbs.
I’m not quite sure what this feeling is, but it’s glorious even if it’s a dim echo of the fire I love so much. It’s fleeting, there for an instant before it vanishes, but for just a moment I didn’t feel like I was freezing all the way down to my core. And just that little moment is enough to put me in a better mood, so I’m smiling as I wander through the meadow, my wings spread to catch the sunlight. My eyes drift closed as I let the sun sink into my feathers, into my skin, as the breeze ruffles the red of my mane and dances across the surface of my flared wings.
And I don’t even trip over a damn rock or a branch or my feet. Maybe today isn’t such a bad day after all.