07-19-2016, 05:23 PM
I should pull away. I should put distance between us. I should stop this. I should look at him and smile and walk away. I should do something other than just sitting here and reveling in the way his skin connects to mine and the way our breaths mingle. Instead of just sitting here and listening to his words and his heart beat and in general just wonder about a life with him. Like falling asleep every night listening to him. Pressing kisses to every part of him. Living without feeling like what I feel is dirty.
I should leave. I should just go and wander and make some sort of a life somewhere else. Would he fight to keep me here I wonder? No, because he would want me to be happy and if that what it took then he would let me go, even if his insides were shattering like glass.
Being an adult...Wait. An adult. When had that happened? When had I become a grown mare all tucked into adulthood?
I nod at his words, smiling slightly. "Yeah, that is a good thing. I am glad that females can chose now." I don't say me. Because I don't even know if I want to stay. I don't even know if I can stay if I have to look at Nevi every day and not self combust. The way his lips touch my hair, and his cheek brushes against it. My eyes close in some sort of happiness and guilt. I should stop this.
He probably didn't even think of me that way.
Let's ignore the fact that I feel like I have seen something in the way his lips touch mine or the way his eyes caress me. Let's ignore all that and chalk it up to my hopes.
His lips tingling at my ear, sending more fire through my veins and my eyes pop open. What do I want? Oh so much.
"I want you Nevi. I want our plans and I want to tell you I love you so fucking much that I feel like my blood is on fire. Not like a sister should. I want this guilt at loving you like this to go away. I want the worry that our family will hate us and not understand or even try to to leave me alone. I want to leave, to go find a herdland and settle there away from our dad and our mom who aren't really around anymore anyways. I want to bring home tiny little babies that aren't loved and do so much better than our parents."
I sigh, turning my head away from his, unable to even look at him in the darkness. I wait, wait for the reaction that I'm scared will happen. His body will stiff and then he will distance himself from me. Just enough that my fucking heart will break in my chest. But there, I told him and damn the consequences. I was tired of living a half life.
But if he tells me he loves me back?
No, I don't even dare to hope.
I should leave. I should just go and wander and make some sort of a life somewhere else. Would he fight to keep me here I wonder? No, because he would want me to be happy and if that what it took then he would let me go, even if his insides were shattering like glass.
Being an adult...Wait. An adult. When had that happened? When had I become a grown mare all tucked into adulthood?
I nod at his words, smiling slightly. "Yeah, that is a good thing. I am glad that females can chose now." I don't say me. Because I don't even know if I want to stay. I don't even know if I can stay if I have to look at Nevi every day and not self combust. The way his lips touch my hair, and his cheek brushes against it. My eyes close in some sort of happiness and guilt. I should stop this.
He probably didn't even think of me that way.
Let's ignore the fact that I feel like I have seen something in the way his lips touch mine or the way his eyes caress me. Let's ignore all that and chalk it up to my hopes.
His lips tingling at my ear, sending more fire through my veins and my eyes pop open. What do I want? Oh so much.
"I want you Nevi. I want our plans and I want to tell you I love you so fucking much that I feel like my blood is on fire. Not like a sister should. I want this guilt at loving you like this to go away. I want the worry that our family will hate us and not understand or even try to to leave me alone. I want to leave, to go find a herdland and settle there away from our dad and our mom who aren't really around anymore anyways. I want to bring home tiny little babies that aren't loved and do so much better than our parents."
I sigh, turning my head away from his, unable to even look at him in the darkness. I wait, wait for the reaction that I'm scared will happen. His body will stiff and then he will distance himself from me. Just enough that my fucking heart will break in my chest. But there, I told him and damn the consequences. I was tired of living a half life.
But if he tells me he loves me back?
No, I don't even dare to hope.