07-16-2016, 12:10 AM
Mari buries her face in my neck, and the feel of tears falling there breaks my heart. I murmur gentle sounds of encouragement in her ear, just holding her while she cries and lets go of all the complicated, tangled emotions she’s been hiding behind that sunshine smile of hers. Have I been wrong all this time? Maybe she’s just as lost as I am, but better at hiding it. Those big blue eyes never look clouded over with sorrow, but here she is crying on my shoulder.
Sighing, I stroke her hair. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I know it’s scary, and it feels like the whole world’s changing around you. I think...I think maybe that’s just part of growing up. Seems like yesterday we were just a couple of little kids, you know? And now…” I trail off, meeting her gaze and smiling sadly. “Now we’re all grown up and trying to figure out how we fit in the world, and that’s hard, and it’s scary. But I’m always going to be here for you, okay? You’re not alone.”
And I’ll pay better attention now, knowing how much she’s hurting. I’ll watch, and notice the places she goes to hide when she isn’t being happy sunshine Mari. Because I know what it’s like to hide in the dark and feel completely alone, feel like you have to wear a mask and play the happy (if quiet and reserved) child, and smile to erase the worry from angel eyes.
“You can always come and find me when you’re sad, Mari. Or when you’re scared. I’m here, no matter what.” Not just for her, though I’d do it for her sake. But it’s selfish too. Moments like this...they make me feel less lost myself. Oh, things have been better lately, because of Lee. Because she came and found me in the dark and held me close and let me fall apart. And still loved me even though I was shattered glass and jagged edges, shadows and mist and sorrow stitched into my soul.
Still.
Whoa. Wait, what? Her lips pressed against the corner of my mouth completely derail my train of thought, sending an extremely confusing jolt through me. “Uh...y-you’re welcome,” I manage, distracted by the tingling heat warring with awkward discomfort. Almost kisses are nice. But almost kisses with Mari? She's always been my rainbow girl; I've never even thought about kissing her before. If I could change colors like she does, I would be bright red, and the relief that washes over me when she quickly changes the subject is almost overwhelming.
Maybe I imagined it, the feeling like that was something more than just an innocent kiss. The added weight to her words when she thanked me, that could have just been from the heavy emotions she was talking about. Probably it was nothing. Right?
“I don’t know yet,” I answer her, buying myself time to sort through what just happened. “I’m not exactly much of a warrior.” In fact, the thought makes me smile. Me, not even quite as big as Mom, training for battle? “But it might be fun to be a diplomat, now that Dad has changed the rules. I’m not sure yet. What about you, are you doing the initiation and joining the ranks? I know you talked about joining the peace caste at the kingdom meeting. I think you’d make a fantastic diplomat.”
Sighing, I stroke her hair. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I know it’s scary, and it feels like the whole world’s changing around you. I think...I think maybe that’s just part of growing up. Seems like yesterday we were just a couple of little kids, you know? And now…” I trail off, meeting her gaze and smiling sadly. “Now we’re all grown up and trying to figure out how we fit in the world, and that’s hard, and it’s scary. But I’m always going to be here for you, okay? You’re not alone.”
And I’ll pay better attention now, knowing how much she’s hurting. I’ll watch, and notice the places she goes to hide when she isn’t being happy sunshine Mari. Because I know what it’s like to hide in the dark and feel completely alone, feel like you have to wear a mask and play the happy (if quiet and reserved) child, and smile to erase the worry from angel eyes.
“You can always come and find me when you’re sad, Mari. Or when you’re scared. I’m here, no matter what.” Not just for her, though I’d do it for her sake. But it’s selfish too. Moments like this...they make me feel less lost myself. Oh, things have been better lately, because of Lee. Because she came and found me in the dark and held me close and let me fall apart. And still loved me even though I was shattered glass and jagged edges, shadows and mist and sorrow stitched into my soul.
Still.
Whoa. Wait, what? Her lips pressed against the corner of my mouth completely derail my train of thought, sending an extremely confusing jolt through me. “Uh...y-you’re welcome,” I manage, distracted by the tingling heat warring with awkward discomfort. Almost kisses are nice. But almost kisses with Mari? She's always been my rainbow girl; I've never even thought about kissing her before. If I could change colors like she does, I would be bright red, and the relief that washes over me when she quickly changes the subject is almost overwhelming.
Maybe I imagined it, the feeling like that was something more than just an innocent kiss. The added weight to her words when she thanked me, that could have just been from the heavy emotions she was talking about. Probably it was nothing. Right?
“I don’t know yet,” I answer her, buying myself time to sort through what just happened. “I’m not exactly much of a warrior.” In fact, the thought makes me smile. Me, not even quite as big as Mom, training for battle? “But it might be fun to be a diplomat, now that Dad has changed the rules. I’m not sure yet. What about you, are you doing the initiation and joining the ranks? I know you talked about joining the peace caste at the kingdom meeting. I think you’d make a fantastic diplomat.”