06-30-2016, 06:54 AM
Surely that glint in his eyes had been only from the sun. He didn't feel the same for me. Who could? Or would? No, I told myself I wouldn't let myself think like that. I pushed those negative thoughts away, shove them right back down into the box that I liked to keep them in. He couldn't because he is my....brother. It takes a lot to say that word now, even here in my mind where no one else around can read my thoughts. I think I might choke on the word if I have to say it aloud. But surely he doesn't want my touch like that....
Don't make this awkward Lee. You just made the most progress with him you have done in your entire life. You have made him smile and seem more confident, even if he seems oddly nervous at the same time. His words rambling from his lips, but painting the best life I have ever imagined. I have thought so many times on what to do with my life, and adopting had always been an option. Hadn't I gotten so lucky? But the fear of doing it all by myself (I knew I could I was just a wreck on to how to be a good mom) was almost paralyzing.
The way he ducks his head when he talks about making babies makes my heart give a traitorous leap, just when I had hoped I could shove these emotions back down away for a while and just talk to my Nevi. No, he was just embarrassed over the talk of making babies. Obviously it wasn't something that we talked a lot about in our family, even if we knew that Dad and Mom were both making babies. Lissie didn't just come from the stork. He wasn't thinking of making babies with me, because that would be weird right? Weird because we are ....I can't even say it again. Because we are family. There.
Even if the same hot sensation runs through my body that ran through his.
"Oh Nev. I agree. I think it would help us both work through our lingering issues. I mean...I think I've gotten over mine for the most part but it would give me some purpose. We could raise them together and mess up together. It will be an adventure." And because I just can't help myself, I go back into his embrace. I wrap myself in a hug of his, and allow myself a couple quiet moments to gather these crazy emotions and put them back in check. I will the love, the yearning, the hope to fade, to keep this want, this need a quiet thing. I will it to go away.
I might as well be willing the impossible away.
"I love you Nevi." I can't help but say on a soft sigh, wanting to do more than press my lips to his spine. "It will be so perfect."
Don't make this awkward Lee. You just made the most progress with him you have done in your entire life. You have made him smile and seem more confident, even if he seems oddly nervous at the same time. His words rambling from his lips, but painting the best life I have ever imagined. I have thought so many times on what to do with my life, and adopting had always been an option. Hadn't I gotten so lucky? But the fear of doing it all by myself (I knew I could I was just a wreck on to how to be a good mom) was almost paralyzing.
The way he ducks his head when he talks about making babies makes my heart give a traitorous leap, just when I had hoped I could shove these emotions back down away for a while and just talk to my Nevi. No, he was just embarrassed over the talk of making babies. Obviously it wasn't something that we talked a lot about in our family, even if we knew that Dad and Mom were both making babies. Lissie didn't just come from the stork. He wasn't thinking of making babies with me, because that would be weird right? Weird because we are ....I can't even say it again. Because we are family. There.
Even if the same hot sensation runs through my body that ran through his.
"Oh Nev. I agree. I think it would help us both work through our lingering issues. I mean...I think I've gotten over mine for the most part but it would give me some purpose. We could raise them together and mess up together. It will be an adventure." And because I just can't help myself, I go back into his embrace. I wrap myself in a hug of his, and allow myself a couple quiet moments to gather these crazy emotions and put them back in check. I will the love, the yearning, the hope to fade, to keep this want, this need a quiet thing. I will it to go away.
I might as well be willing the impossible away.
"I love you Nevi." I can't help but say on a soft sigh, wanting to do more than press my lips to his spine. "It will be so perfect."