05-03-2016, 01:54 PM
“Do you feel like you belong up there too?” His words stab through my shattered-glass heart, and there is something so right about the quiet agony. No, never. I feel like a castaway, a rejected work of the heavens thrown away for not measuring up. Unbranded by the stars, unmarked by their light, left to drown in darkness. Picked up and brushed off and cherished by an angel with eyes too bright with love to let her see all the ways I am broken, all the ways I am not good enough, all the flaws that make me all too unworthy of her.
No, right now I don't feel like I belong, up there or otherwise. I try to feel it, surrounded by the love of a family that doesn't see darkness when they look at me. Most of the time I can sink desperate fingers into that love and feel like even jagged and broken, I can belong because they believe it so hard it can't be a lie. But I understand what it is to wish you could fly and just keep flying, to fly so fast maybe not even the dark can keep up. To chase the line of day forever, and never let night set in. So I nod, painting a smile on my face and peace into my eyes. “That sounds wonderful.” And maybe if I could fly like he says, could touch the stars, maybe their light would burn away the shadows for good.
“It's nice to meet you, Adriell,” I murmur, my voice soft in the dark between us. “I...just needed to wander some is all. I live in the Tundra, with a family that loves me dearly. No need to worry about me.” That's even almost true. There's no need for him to worry himself about my safety. I'm not alone in the world. I'm no longer a lost boy curled up in the den waiting to come undone. I am loved, I am wanted, I am the luckiest lost boy in all the world. Even if I don't deserve it. “What about you? What brings you out tonight?”
No, right now I don't feel like I belong, up there or otherwise. I try to feel it, surrounded by the love of a family that doesn't see darkness when they look at me. Most of the time I can sink desperate fingers into that love and feel like even jagged and broken, I can belong because they believe it so hard it can't be a lie. But I understand what it is to wish you could fly and just keep flying, to fly so fast maybe not even the dark can keep up. To chase the line of day forever, and never let night set in. So I nod, painting a smile on my face and peace into my eyes. “That sounds wonderful.” And maybe if I could fly like he says, could touch the stars, maybe their light would burn away the shadows for good.
“It's nice to meet you, Adriell,” I murmur, my voice soft in the dark between us. “I...just needed to wander some is all. I live in the Tundra, with a family that loves me dearly. No need to worry about me.” That's even almost true. There's no need for him to worry himself about my safety. I'm not alone in the world. I'm no longer a lost boy curled up in the den waiting to come undone. I am loved, I am wanted, I am the luckiest lost boy in all the world. Even if I don't deserve it. “What about you? What brings you out tonight?”