05-03-2016, 01:29 PM
Little Mari – who is not really so little, but her innocence makes her seem smaller somehow, more delicate, more in need of protection – squeals my name and launches herself into me, and my half-smile spreads to curl the other corner of my mouth upward too. “Yes, it would be a shame if icicles poked your pretty eyes, love. But that was a perfect icicle song, thank you.” I lip at the silver of her mane as she sings me a lovely cave song as well, joining in her infectious laughter with a quiet chuckle of my own. “Thank you for singing for me, rainbow-girl,” I murmur against her mane, drawing her into a hug.
My sweet sister stares me down, baby blue eyes glinting with a combination of her perpetual gaiety and reproach. “I'm sorry, Mari-girl,” I say, ducking my head apologetically and casting her a sorrowful puppy dog glance, my brown eyes going wide in a playful plea for forgiveness. “I'll try to do better. Can you ever forgive me?” I do try not to be gone too much. Mom worries if I fade into the shadows for too long, and she has enough to worry about without me adding to it. Especially with so many children, and another on the way. So I try, even on the rough days, to be present as much as I am able.
To let them love me, even when I have nothing to give back to them.
Sometimes, though...well. Sometimes I just need to be alone for a while. Sometimes there is too sharp a dissonance between sweet Mari's bright, shining soul and the crushing weight of darkness welling up inside my chest. I've hurt her by staying away too long. Or if not actively hurt her, at least upset her. “I'll try, little sister,” I say again, despite the fact that she's bigger than I am and I think also a little older. She still feels like my little sister. “I'll try.”
My sweet sister stares me down, baby blue eyes glinting with a combination of her perpetual gaiety and reproach. “I'm sorry, Mari-girl,” I say, ducking my head apologetically and casting her a sorrowful puppy dog glance, my brown eyes going wide in a playful plea for forgiveness. “I'll try to do better. Can you ever forgive me?” I do try not to be gone too much. Mom worries if I fade into the shadows for too long, and she has enough to worry about without me adding to it. Especially with so many children, and another on the way. So I try, even on the rough days, to be present as much as I am able.
To let them love me, even when I have nothing to give back to them.
Sometimes, though...well. Sometimes I just need to be alone for a while. Sometimes there is too sharp a dissonance between sweet Mari's bright, shining soul and the crushing weight of darkness welling up inside my chest. I've hurt her by staying away too long. Or if not actively hurt her, at least upset her. “I'll try, little sister,” I say again, despite the fact that she's bigger than I am and I think also a little older. She still feels like my little sister. “I'll try.”