04-21-2016, 03:25 AM
I know the moment the silence shifts; Argo's eyes meet mine, and he has my undivided attention as he draws in a breath deep enough to speak. His words make my heart ache in sympathy, but it's not until he continues that I understand he means it differently than I do. Physically, my heart is fine. Strong and steady and unfaltering, aside from the occasional skipped beat when emotions are high. Contrary to my name's implication and my birth mother's insinuation about smaller twins, there's nothing wrong with my body. When my heart hurts, it is not struggling to pump or making me fight for breath or making it hard for me to stand.
If I could reach into our chests in this moment and give my healthy heart to him and take his in its place, I would do it. In one single steady beat, I'd take all the pain and fear in his eyes into my own and hide it all away where it could never touch him again. I don't say it, because the offer is an empty one. I have no such power, no matter how fervently I might wish for it. I can't give him the heart from my chest; all I have is words. “Oh, sweet boy, there is nothing broken about you,” I murmur, pressing my ear against his chest and hearing the difference in our heartbeats for the first time.
“You may need to rest more than you'd like, or go slower than you wish you could, but that doesn't make you broken.” I brush the tears from his cheeks, meet his brown eyes with mine. “The world may spin around you and take your breath away sometimes, but you are not broken.” Something ferocious wells up inside me, something I don't quite recognize that wants nothing more than to protect this almost-brother with everything in our all too limited arsenal, even protect him from his own sorrow and fear and doubt.
“Do you know what you are?” I ask, brushing his forelock back and shedding another layer of armor as I try to find the words to make him understand that he might be different, he might struggle, he might feel weak, but he is not broken. “You are made from love, and you're surrounded by it. There will not be a day in your life where you are not loved more than the breath in our lungs or the beat of our hearts or the lifeblood flowing through our veins. Not one single day.
“Your body may struggle to find strength or breath, your heart may hurt, and that may scare you down to your bones, and that's okay. It's okay to be scared when it feels like you're shattering into a million pieces, or when the world spins out of control, or when your lungs can't find the air. But love like that makes you unbreakable, takes you beyond being broken or whole. And you? You're strong enough to let it.” Stronger than I have ever been. “All you can do right now is all any of us can do: find your body's limits and respect them, take each moment as it comes, and live your life the best you can.”
And even if my heart is made up mostly of shattered glass stitched together in sad little patches and fighting to fuse back into some semblance of whole, it still aches to switch places with his, if only I could make it.
((Let me know if this is a pile of rambling nonsense. If yes, i will fix it in the morning. Oops, look at that, it's after 3 AM. Nevi won't let me sleep until I hit post. XD))
If I could reach into our chests in this moment and give my healthy heart to him and take his in its place, I would do it. In one single steady beat, I'd take all the pain and fear in his eyes into my own and hide it all away where it could never touch him again. I don't say it, because the offer is an empty one. I have no such power, no matter how fervently I might wish for it. I can't give him the heart from my chest; all I have is words. “Oh, sweet boy, there is nothing broken about you,” I murmur, pressing my ear against his chest and hearing the difference in our heartbeats for the first time.
“You may need to rest more than you'd like, or go slower than you wish you could, but that doesn't make you broken.” I brush the tears from his cheeks, meet his brown eyes with mine. “The world may spin around you and take your breath away sometimes, but you are not broken.” Something ferocious wells up inside me, something I don't quite recognize that wants nothing more than to protect this almost-brother with everything in our all too limited arsenal, even protect him from his own sorrow and fear and doubt.
“Do you know what you are?” I ask, brushing his forelock back and shedding another layer of armor as I try to find the words to make him understand that he might be different, he might struggle, he might feel weak, but he is not broken. “You are made from love, and you're surrounded by it. There will not be a day in your life where you are not loved more than the breath in our lungs or the beat of our hearts or the lifeblood flowing through our veins. Not one single day.
“Your body may struggle to find strength or breath, your heart may hurt, and that may scare you down to your bones, and that's okay. It's okay to be scared when it feels like you're shattering into a million pieces, or when the world spins out of control, or when your lungs can't find the air. But love like that makes you unbreakable, takes you beyond being broken or whole. And you? You're strong enough to let it.” Stronger than I have ever been. “All you can do right now is all any of us can do: find your body's limits and respect them, take each moment as it comes, and live your life the best you can.”
And even if my heart is made up mostly of shattered glass stitched together in sad little patches and fighting to fuse back into some semblance of whole, it still aches to switch places with his, if only I could make it.
((Let me know if this is a pile of rambling nonsense. If yes, i will fix it in the morning. Oops, look at that, it's after 3 AM. Nevi won't let me sleep until I hit post. XD))