ladies call me Subway cuz I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches; any

[satire]

I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins. All around them, war spins like a whirling dervish of hurricanes. The kingdoms – redistributed in their magic but holding old scars in their wizened hearts – are at odds. Blood is in the the air, a fine spray like mist or something. Magicians burn up everything and then more magicians come and burn up that in the world’s most dangerous pissing contest. Beqanna groans under her changes. …is what I would write if Satty was not staring sweetly at this tree, absorbing in this new world where birds sang and the whole sky was rainbows. (I guess birds never sang before this, I don’t know.) Instead, Satty doesn’t know jack (WARNING SWEAR AHEAD) shit about the war, or anything that goes on in Beqanna. One time he went into a kingdom – I think the chamber – an declared himself their king but shockingly no one listened, not even him, if that’s grammatically correct (I feel like it isn’t but I also feel like that’s the least weird off-putting thing about this post). The tree rustles and luckily Satty, who is an incredibly suave and cultured man around inanimate objects (he was once the king of sand, this has a lot less pushback from the denizens than the chamber mutiny had). He speaks fluent tree, naturally (quasi-pun not intended; rhyme also not intended). Or he assumes he does, and no one has ever corrected him. “What a lovely name,” he says, “is it foreign? It sounds foreign. Do you miss your motherland?” Satty is either a big idiot or a professional arborist.