Nymphetamine felt the anger coursing through him. He held so much anger about his past, the anger drove him more than he consciously knew. The anger sometimes took hold, driving him forward pushing him deeper into darkness. The scariest thing was that he liked it, was that he wasn't always frightened when he dove into the abyss of hatred within him. He bore down the fae before him his eyes still burning as she absorbed his words. Absorbed would be too gentle for how she reacted absorbed was not right. no, his words crushed her, as if they weighed more than a crumbling mountain falling atop her rare hide.
Nymphetamines anger relented for a moment, curiosity taking over. His sided still heaved with the effort of controlling himself physically, to keep from lashing out, But if someone were to study his eyes he they would see the difference, they were just ever so slightly softer. That was when the fae started crying. and her words full of hurt, and abandon struck. Nymphetamine froze. Her reaction was not of a lying foul harlet, he had made a terrible terrible mistake. The anger drained from him, he was a beast of words, not a warrior, he could pick up on the mixed messages and the deeper undertone of hidden meaning. How could he have been so wrong? His nerves about his plans with Gates had made his rash- and ill-tempered. Keeva did not deserve this---deserve to have to worry about him and how he might treat her due to his mission. His whole body seemed to shrivel up at this realization that he was the danger to her- not Chamber. He was thinking of just turning and running- not sure how to fix this not sure if he could face her disappointment now that his anger was settling back in the pit from which it came. Nymphetamine's head hung low, his eyes closed, dagger about to turn him away in complete disgrace. But she whimpered, and he looked up. She verbally lashed him for thinking of her with such disdain, but when her words fell behind them was hurt and sadness. He could have left had she been mad, and he would have left. But she wasn't really angry...she was hurt, so he couldn't.
His words fell in complete disarray- he fumbled over himself as he beat himself up internally for being so brash. He didn't know where to start, and didn't know if it would matter. He had never felt small before- but he did now.
I-well... urgh...I am sorry, Keeva... its just that... I didn't mean to.... my mission....Chamber..... and there was you... and Gates.... I get so angry....But I hurt you. I'm sorry.
He tried to put thoughts together, tried to make them come forward with some grace, but it just wouldn't happen. He knew he had to go, Killdare and Chamber were waiting, he didn't have time to explain. He knew he had to free the fae- he couldn't keep hurting her- Chamber would make him dark and twisted- but he knew he had to go to revenge his own past. He wanted to tell her- to fix this- but there was simply no time. He still was awkward, his words falling slightly scattered, but he knew he had to do this...for Keeva, and not himself.
I...I owe you more, you deserve more. I can't give you- you wont be safe... I just can't do this-- to you. I'm sorry. I am......I have to go
The last three words barely fell from his mouth. He turned began to walk away, slowly picking up his pace. He didn't look back out of embarrassment and fear that he would be able to keep from returning. He knew there are more to their story- it just would have to wait. What a fool he was, what a damned fool indeed. Keeva would want nothing to do with him, he was sure of it- but it was time to face Chamber and stay true to his word. He would have to find Keeva later- if he survived his meeting with Killdare at the boarder of Chamber, that is.
Nymphetamine
cold was my soul, untold was the pain I faced when you left me: a rose in the rain