as your love starts to surround you
all of their words are trying to drown you
She doesn’t know how he manages to do this: how he strips away all of her defenses. All she knows is that she is standing before him and what had started as trembles have come violent quivers and shudders, her body shaking as all of the not-memories flood over her. “I died,” she finally gasps out, and she lowers her antlered head, the delicate, branching antlers still foreign to her. “You killed me, and I killed you,” this time her voice is softer, but still broken and bruised, each syllable aching with the pain.
Each second that she is around him, she can feel the knife digging deeper and deeper into her gut, and she can feel the blade with excruciating detail. Pyxis knows that she is vulnerable now, and she hates it; she knows that she will have to reverse this somehow, but right now, in this moment, she is helpless against him. He commands that she look at him, and she does. Her eyes are bright with tears, bright with hurt.
She takes a shuddering breath, and she spills the story. She does not bother to leave a detail out: she tells him about how she had transformed and how the two of them had left her sister to die in the alley. She tells him about how she had thirsted for blood and quenched that thirst with teeth buried in his neck. She tells him about how her parents had appeared and then her sister and then him, the way his mouth had been on her right before he had ripped her chest apart. Finally, and with a guilty look to the wolf, she tells them of how Red and the pack had chased her and her sister, how they had torn her family apart.
When she is done, the shaking has subsided, and she is hollowed out, her voice hoarse, her eyes closing. It seems as if she will never outrun the exhaustion. “I guess I wasn’t entirely honest,” she murmurs, unable to meet his gaze. “I guess my parents and my family isn’t so perfect after all.” She laughs, but the sound is choked and lifeless. “I’m certainly not.” And then she falls silent, feeling more alone than ever.
and you break, it's too late for you to fall apart
and the blame that you claim is all your own fault
