02-13-2026, 10:39 AM
i do it for the ho's
For the most part, Layland is too unaware to be afraid of much. But the things he is afraid of, are the type of things that would make The Hulk, He-Man, and Hercules himself trimble in their too-tight spandex manpanties. In order, his greatest fears are:
1. Ladybugs and/or stink bugs. Not that they DO anything, but they stink and are incredibly gross, thankyouverymuch.
2. Penguins. "Flightless Bird" is the type of oxymoron he just can't get behind. They have stumps for wings, and waddle about like some type of possessed toddler. Penguins are a strong blend of "surely not" and "hard pass".
3. Carnage. (He said if you need an explanation for this one, you deserve to have your eyeballs plucked out of your skull before he turns you into a statue and throws your granite self into the cosmos.)
At her mention of brute strength, he can't help but turn his velveteen kissers southward into a frown. He is many things (a speciem, fabulous, pink, sex monster) but a brute he is not. He is sleek like a cat! His only strength is his quick wit and stunning personality, and of course his skills in the boudoir. So he does have 3 strengths, but they still aren't the type to do much good in a battle. "I'm afraid that brute strength is not my forte, my sweet green girl. While I am of course MANY great things, battle-born is not one of them. I too have an impeccable coat to maintain." he says with a flourish, though what brain cells he has are spinning furiously in his head.
There are 2 at most, and thats on a good day. I digress, though.
"Hmmm...The Valley, you say? I think it fell into the ocean, or shriveled up into dust, or something like that. I haven't heard anyone mention that scary place in many, many years!" he says with a shudder. CARNAGE had ruled The Valley, and therefore Layland stayed as far away as horsely possible from that wretched kingdom.
"Instead of trying to go somewhere that poofed into non-existence, we could just claim..." he pauses, sweeping his gaze over the meadow, "THAT! That pine thicket looks like a great kingdom. We could call it Kriegland. Ya know, Krieg + Layland?" as if she needed an explanation. "We could sing there, and dance, and just be the spectacular specimens that we are."
Noone in their right mind would give Layland keys to a kingdom, but that didn't mean he couldn't craft a set of his own!
layland
@Krieg ooc - it just keeps getting more ridiculous lmao