The smile that she instinctively greets Malik with fades at his solemn expression and the question he asks. She inhales sharply in surprise, making no attempts to hide her reaction from him. “You remember who she is now?” This first question comes out as a whisper, wondering what else Malik might remember and knowing some of it was better left forgotten.
But she does not linger with just that question. Mazikeen visibly wilts, her head drooping but she quickly opts to be honest - she hadn’t meant to keep Sickle a secret, she just hadn’t known how to bring it up.
But Malik is direct, and she doesn’t mind at all.
She doesn’t start the story where it really begins - on the day Gale had brought Sickle here, when Mazikeen had still been herself. Some things are easier to be honest than others.
And though she decides to be honest, her tear-filled eyes can’t quite seem to connect with Malik’s at first. “When I was… when your father was still here, I went to go take Sickle and bring her back here. I felt possessive more than I felt love and I… I wasn’t very nice to her. All I cared about was getting her back here, not how it happened. I had been pushing myself to the limit for days and on the way back it finally caught up to me and I crashed. She ran and I was too tired to follow. By the time I woke up again her trail was cold.” She inhales a shaky breath and now, finally, she steadies herself and looks at her son, trying not to let the fear of his resentment deter her from trying to explain. “It wasn’t long after that when Myrna was born and everything changed. And then… I thought leaving Sickle alone would be the kindest thing I could do for her.”
When it had happened, Mazikeen hadn't thought anything of the look of fear in her daughter's eyes when she had snatched her away from Aela and Skandar. But it haunts her now.
She tries so hard not to cry in front of Myrna and Malik, the guilt claws at her every time. Sometimes it just can't be helped - like now. When there is this larger source of guilt that overshadows everything else.
“But I think about her every day.”
@
Malik