[open] My Gentle Stupid Mind

[Bayun]

Bayun

  A gentle mind can not comprehend evil. It can not wrap itself around the darkness and horrors of those who hold such darkness. It can't even imagine why someone would bring pain upon another living being. It wants only good for itself and others. And perhaps it has such a strong urge for goodness that this mind becomes selfish. A greed that wants to force kindness upon everything around. And it longs for a world of only gentle things. 

   But perhaps this gentle mind holds a fear of evil that overcomes its selfishness. It would rather be alone than face possible pain. It shows its selfishness among the gentle things of nature. The small things that cannot harm this gentle mind. 

   This gentle mind is resting now in Bayun. His dark sandy coat glistening in the warm autumn sun. The long tail trailing after him carries a beautiful display of crimson dahlias. His wavy mane, brushing past his shoulder, held the same blood colored flowers. His floaty steps carried him through the long grass. He plans his way across the meadow carefully. A path that will avoid any other equines. 

  His fear is irrational. And he is fully aware of it. But he has convinced himself that he holds a fear greater than death of others. And so he stays away. 

   His eyes now are focused on the pile of boulders resting against the hill side. The stream of water weaving between the rocks is a well sheltered area. One that doesn't usually host other horses. He hopes to find a space by the water to relax. To let the sun fall across his back before it becomes buried in winter clouds. His hooves carry him closer to the giant stones and he slows. His heart slowing and his tense muscles relaxing as he steps behind the boulders. The horses in the meadow have disappeared from his view.

   He feels safe now. The feeling of being watched, preyed on. The fear. It dissipates as he lowers his muzzle to drink from the chilling water. It washes away, carried down the stream, down the hill, away from his gentle mind. His stupid mind. A mind that has tricked itself into a cowardly way of living. He is a coward. A past fear that he has let grow over the years. He never faced it, never braved. Only ran from it. The fear that was once one single horse had expanded to all horses. His mind had programmed him to tremble in fear at the approach of a horse. To lose all rational thinking when faced by another of his own kind. To always hold a feeling of being preyed on when in the presence of other horses. 

   He lifts his head. His mind suddenly flooded with his stupidity. "I really hate myself." he spoke out loud. He always speaks out loud. With no one ever around, his thoughts have a habit of appearing on his lips. His amber eyes lowered to the grass below his hooves. A small orange butterfly between his hooves. One of its tender wings trapped under his heavy hoof. A pang of sadness strikes his heart. He lifts his hoof slowly and the delicate creature weakly flaps a single wing. It futters a little more and then lies limp. "And now you hate me too." he says. His voice emotionless. The exhaustion of being afraid was wearing him down. Years of tricking himself. Years of living alone. His joy in life had all but faded. Only small things, like flowers and butterflies brought him joy now. And he has killed one now. Killed his joy.

He was slowly killing his joy. His life. 

Open to anyone