[private] i got addicted to a losing game

[bolder]

At the moment, Bolder feels more stunned than anything else.

There is some sorrow in what he's done. A life ending - whether it is their kind or another - is a sad thing. He doesn't glance at the small rabbit again, and he's grateful that Mazikeen had blocked the view of the small creature. But the sadness that Bolder feels is distant. It's like the way he mourned the loss of summer when fall finally faded into winter; he would miss the long days and the warmth and the way that the Taigan fog would burn away.

It was something to mourn but not something to consider overlong.

Bolder doesn't feel revulsion that he's killed the creature. He doesn't want to eat it (and another part wonders if that's worse, because the death was a senseless one). His thoughts clash within himself because all he can think of is Nashua's face; how angry and repulsed he looked when his father learned he could shift (though Bolder doesn't know that the anger or loathing wasn't directed at him).

Was this why?

His Aunt's reasoning battles with the memory in his mind and he finds himself grateful again to the Alpha. When his changes first began, it had been Mazikeen who had answered his questions and as he continues to change, the adolescent shifter is becoming more grateful for her guidance. Apart from her or Uncle Gale, who else could have helped him?

"It does," Bolder tells her quietly, turning his silver eyes on her. "I didn't mean to do that," the young shifter says. "It just sort of... happened." The rabbit had struggled - more of a fight than Bolder had anticipated - and then his jaw had clamped down.

But something that his Aunt says resonates within Bolder.

"I think that is my favorite part of shifting," the young wolf tells the older one. He rises on his lean haunches and his auburn head tilts curiously, deciding to follow his instincts that tell him to trust the Alpha. "If you ask my Father, he'd say that shifting isn't natural. But...," Bolder slows, thinking about something. "It feels natural."

@Mazikeen