[private] Forever is never enough

[Brochturach]

Eyes that had been so defiantly void of emotion for so long closed for a moment. The world around him disappeared as it did so often. It was a moment in time where he imagined that the past was the present and nothing had ever changed. Years had not split time and space, driving him further from all he he'd wanted. He can hear his name on her lips, a sound he's never forgotten to this day. It is as clear as the first time she spoke it. There's never been a memory where she said it with the flawless brogue of his kin. She fumbles it so sweetly, so innocently. He drags in a breath to calm his racing heart. Her scent lingers upon the air around him, so soft and ethereal. His body freezes, ears swiveling atop his dome. There is something about this scent that is more than his memory could ever conjure. Lashes rapidly raise and the deep blue of his eyes follow the swift turning of his heavy skull.

He tried to tell himself that he was just imagining this again. How many times had he imagined seeing her again? How many scenarios has his errant heart dreamt up? He had been a fool in his younger years and tried forgetting, thinking it would be easier without the memory. That had done nothing to erase a single moment that had been locked away in his heart, despite his heads desire to erase them. He breathed in another gust of crisp spring air. She was here. His eyes were not betraying him. Her chestnut coat was just as vibrant as it had been all those years ago. Her eyes were just as clear that sparkling blue he remembered. It was hard to see where the years had touched her at all. In this moment all he'd ever hoped for came crashing back in waves. The herd he had lost. What had become of them? Since the challenge he had spent so many tines wondering. Though the feathers covered it up, he had lived with both the physical scars and the regret for so many years. It didn't matter that he'd nearly died. That he had spent long weeks on the precipice of death and in the care of strangers, no less; what mattered now, just as much as it had back then, was that he'd sworn to protect Lilli and her family and he had failed. They had already lost so much. When he lost the only place they had ever called home, he had betrayed every trust they had placed in him.

He swallowed reflexively, not daring to take his eyes off of her and uncertain of just what kind of reunion this would be. He would give his life if he could go back and change things. He would give more if he could have gone back and atleast told her how he'd felt. There were too many years between then and now to pretend that she might still harbor something in her heart for him. She most likely had a mate and grown bairns by now. Himself? These years had been spent brutally punishing himself for the failure that caused the chasm of space and time between them. It wasn't hard for him to imagine that this might not be the warm welcome that he'd wished for so many times over the years. Why then did he still feel the urge to embrace her as he had so many moons past? Why did he feel this gnawing desire in the pit of his stomach, to simply touch her to know that she was real and not some phantom of mind that was simply displayed more surreal than the past imaginings?

He'd been told so many times that he was too hard on himself. Ava had often told him that she was certain Lilli did not hate him. What could Ava have known though? She knew nothing of the chestnut mare beyond the few stories he'd told her and even then he'd left the most precious moments at bay. But the old mare thought too highly of Broch to ever think anyone could think ill of him. While he'd allowed her to speak on the subject, he'd never truly believed that Lilliana could harbor anything but disappointment in him and what might had been. He dragged in a breath and drew upon that internal strength and will that kept him in a state of existence, since he could not say he'd been living for a long time. His lips curled and that warmth of his nature pooled into his blue eyes as he finally mustered the courage to say something. "I dinnae think ahd e'er see ye again, lass. Fer ah moment ah thought ye were ah ghost or some trick o tha eye."

He dipped his skull to her, stepping forward until he was close enough to feel the coolness of her breath as the warmth of it died away in the air between them. He hesitated, again uncertain of her feelings or whether she was even receptive to his presence. He wondered if it would be too much, to simply feel her skin and know that she truly was more than a memory. Apprehension fled from him. If she was angry with him and told him to leave, he would. If she was taken or uninterested, he would not press the matter. But in this moment he had to touch her to know she was real. Perhaps he'd be damning himself to some pain that would he'd be hard pressed to get over, but he had waited so long for something he'd never truly believed would ever happen. He was allowed one touch. He was allowed to melt into her and this moment as if he was certain he'd never get another. He was allowed to pretend that there was still affection for him somewhere deep in her heart, unblemished by the failures of his past and the time that might have dulled it.

His body moved as if of its own accord. First it was but the gentle brush of the hair that draped his massive chest, gliding ever so gently against her smaller frame. Then it was his massive skull, lowering until he could feel the slender curve of her own. His slid it lower until it rested fully against her own, his nostrils flaring as he dragged her breath into his lungs and exhaled his own with a sigh. His eyes fell closed as he stood frozen, unwilling and unable to move. "Lillayahnuuh." He whispered, his brogue drawing out the syllables in a way he'd always known they shouldn't and yet could not help. "How ah wished so maneh times that ahd have died when ah should have, thahn been ferced ta live sah maneh yeers without ye."

@lilliana