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[worship]

WORSHIP

She thinks he is made to be worshipped and he thinks he is made to worship.
Is he a fool to think that he was made specifically to worship the stars splashed across her skin? The beauty of her dreams? The fierceness of her determination?

He has only just met her, this stellar dream girl, but he knows in the marrow of his bones that he will never find another thing like her. For as long as he lives, she is the only thing that will ever set his heart ablaze like this.

And she goes on smiling at him, though he cannot bring himself to do the same. (He does not even feel any inclination to smile, he was not built for it, much too serious for a boy his age.) He thinks he could drown in that smile, wonders if maybe he will dream of this instead. And for the first time his chest swells with hope.

“You could find a thousand lovesick fools who would flay themselves alive for the opportunity,” he tells her and he means it. How deeply he means it! It is too profound a thing for someone so young to say, but it comes out of his mouth in that boy’s voice anyway. Though he knows nothing of lovesickness, nothing of the willingness to flay oneself alive (he suspects he might be quick to understand, though).

“Besides, you would make better use of them than I ever could.”

But he does not argue further. He will not force her to reject him any more.

Instead, he thinks about his dreams. They are dark, though not dark enough to be considered nightmares. He shakes his head and casts his gaze to the swath of earth that separates them.

“Awful,” he admits, quiet, “I dream of ruin.”

you were the boat that breached in the tale of conrad
oh, i loved you with the good and the careless of me
but it all goes bad

@[Stellaria] this dramatic binch