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When the white noise begins to retreat, when the anger and the sadness dull enough for her to be able to think clearly, she thinks of Gale.
And her nose, where the red V rests, tickles when she does.
She’d stood on the western border of Hyaline for a long time, thinking about visiting him before turning away. And then she spent longer still trying not to think about whether she was delaying their reunion because she does not want him to see her so low or because she’s in denial about how much she thinks his presence would comfort her.
She feels diminished, even as she screams at herself to get over it. Mazikeen has a near-constant mantra going through her head. Get the quest done. This isn’t the end of the world. You’ll be able to shift again and you are not weaker now because you can’t. And she believes those things, most days, and there is a very real and fierce stubborn desire to complete her quest. Sometimes, though, it is overshadowed by this first taste of heartbreak and loss.
That is the case now, as she paces Hyaline and attempts to brainstorm things she likes about this form.
When movement catches her eye, a well-formed instinct to shift or pull on the eyes of a predator has her grasping at that hollow place inside her and the temporary productivity she felt collapses. She’s scowling as she tries to see who it is and scowling more when she has to move closer to figure out out.
Once she has, there’s a very vivid moment where Mazikeen thinks she’s hallucinating. She hasn’t been eating as much lately, though she didn’t think it had quite gotten that bad. Seeing Gale moving through the foothills of Hyaline throws her for such a loop it startles a laugh out of her.
An uncomfortable shyness keeps her from closing the gap between them as she had when she said goodbye, but her smile is not forced as she calls out to him. “Scouting the place, are you? That’s a good way to become lunch, you know.” Not for her, as he well knows, but she isn't the only predator in these mountains. She's not a predator at all, really. Not anymore.
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