12-10-2020, 01:25 AM
despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came
It is a welcome relief to talk about @[lilliana]’s memories. It helps soothe an aching heart, that someone was willing to share their memories with me. I smile wistfully. “I had never seen the ocean until I came to Beqanna as well.” And now, I tell myself, I think I’ll come back again, too. Maybe I wouldn’t return to this beach, as it is special to the older mare, and I don’t want to steal that from her. But I could find my own space along the vast shoreline, a place where I could come to wash away my worries.
I am glad for the darkness left in the wake of the star’s absence as it played with Memorie. It hides the pained expression on my face as I recollect the painful childhood memories of feeling alone and unloved. Yes, it had made me more resilient, but at what price? I’m not sure that price was worth paying.
Lilliana’s next words strike a chord in me. What do I want? I had never really thought about that, because I was always thinking of everyone else. And if I was honest with myself, I don’t want to do it alone. The “it” being anything from motherhood to life in general. I don’t want to be alone anymore. In the choked moment of silence, the older mare goes on, and I am reminded that Taiga had felt like home, not just because Yanhua was here, but because it was the first place where I had felt welcomed…and not alone, it was the first place I felt like I had a family. But it was the next words that really hit home. “Sometimes it’s just nice not to be alone.” They reverberate like endless echoes in my ears, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek that I hoped the other could not see.
For a few moments there is silence before the conversation turns to motherhood and fears we share as mothers. Yes, I think, that will never change. I could see myself down the road with a few more children to call my own, and I can’t imagine I would feel any less apprehensive of failure than I do now. “I should hope it doesn’t change,” I say with a soft smile.
As we walk, I take a moment to listen to Memorie’s squeals of delight to have something as cool as a sentient star to chase around. Oh, the stories she would bring back to Cheri and Reynard. It makes me happy to share this moment with their grandmother.
A plan. I stop for a moment, lost in contemplation. “Yes, a plan,” I return thoughtfully. Lilliana was absolutely right. I should have a plan. Not just for Memorie, but for myself as well. Taking care of myself would be the best thing I could do for the child, anyway. Between my encounter with Amarine and my encounter with Lilliana, I think I have a lot to think about in the coming days, but I definitely have a better sense of where I wanted to go.
I smile at the other mare, an expression that shows even in the shadows that fall across our faces. “Thank you, Lilliana.”
I am glad for the darkness left in the wake of the star’s absence as it played with Memorie. It hides the pained expression on my face as I recollect the painful childhood memories of feeling alone and unloved. Yes, it had made me more resilient, but at what price? I’m not sure that price was worth paying.
Lilliana’s next words strike a chord in me. What do I want? I had never really thought about that, because I was always thinking of everyone else. And if I was honest with myself, I don’t want to do it alone. The “it” being anything from motherhood to life in general. I don’t want to be alone anymore. In the choked moment of silence, the older mare goes on, and I am reminded that Taiga had felt like home, not just because Yanhua was here, but because it was the first place where I had felt welcomed…and not alone, it was the first place I felt like I had a family. But it was the next words that really hit home. “Sometimes it’s just nice not to be alone.” They reverberate like endless echoes in my ears, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek that I hoped the other could not see.
For a few moments there is silence before the conversation turns to motherhood and fears we share as mothers. Yes, I think, that will never change. I could see myself down the road with a few more children to call my own, and I can’t imagine I would feel any less apprehensive of failure than I do now. “I should hope it doesn’t change,” I say with a soft smile.
As we walk, I take a moment to listen to Memorie’s squeals of delight to have something as cool as a sentient star to chase around. Oh, the stories she would bring back to Cheri and Reynard. It makes me happy to share this moment with their grandmother.
A plan. I stop for a moment, lost in contemplation. “Yes, a plan,” I return thoughtfully. Lilliana was absolutely right. I should have a plan. Not just for Memorie, but for myself as well. Taking care of myself would be the best thing I could do for the child, anyway. Between my encounter with Amarine and my encounter with Lilliana, I think I have a lot to think about in the coming days, but I definitely have a better sense of where I wanted to go.
I smile at the other mare, an expression that shows even in the shadows that fall across our faces. “Thank you, Lilliana.”
borderline
