A sheepish grin spreads on soft lips, shaking his head no in response to her question. ”No, unfortunately the jungle has not been the destination of any of my adventures.” He laughs though, a gentle roll of his shoulder as he shrugs and offers her another grin. ”But I suppose I’ll have to get on that now.” The happiness doesn’t last long as she submerges them both back in the conversation of survival. Every bad memory is drudged up, memories he want’s to forget, longs to forget. It’s confusing, how she speaks of safety. There was no safety here, not any he had been able to find and hold on to. The flecks of gold in his warm brown eyes no longer sparkle, they darken and he seems to stop breathing. Feeling as if he has been submerged under water, choking on the fear that those bad memories bring with them. ”Safety is not easy here, there’s no such thing that exists here.” He mumbles mostly to himself, forgetting that she’s even there. His words are heavy and dark, unlike himself. Even in the Gates, where all is calm and peaceful, he can’t find solace. He can’t sleep. Even though he has come home, he has nothing. Her muzzle grazes his shoulder and he whips his head up, turning to look at her as his body shudders from her touch. Whatever is etched in his face suddenly melts away, returning back to normal. ”I’m fine.” Shaking his head to free himself of any lingering nightmares, for now he can escape from them. Once night falls it’s a different story but for now… For now he can pretend.
The worry is still in her eyes and he tries to force a thin smile to his lips and focus on what she’s asking him. ”I’m not quite sure. I feel like I’ve been almost everywhere and back.. Everywhere but the jungle that is.” Rough laughter, almost as if nothing had happened. It threatens to return when she mentions her family but he holds onto that smile (more like a grimace at this point) as he reluctantly admits, “At least you have a family.” He is stubborn, holding onto his terrible childhood and the pain and torment like a dog with a bone. It’s all he has, all he has known. How could it ever be any different? ”Kind of why I left.” It’s the first time he’s said that out loud. A first step perhaps. ”But the Gates has been good to me. Letting me come back and all.”
L E D G E R |
