[private] shadowgames

[Livinia]

l i v i n i a don't waste your touch, you won't feel anything "No!" She's almost embarrassed at how quickly the word flies from her lips.  But the urgency - the desperation - is evident in the single syllable. She knows how badly she's messed up but she'd be damned before bringing her mother into this. She wasn't sure she could withstand that level of shame. "No, please. We don't need to involve mother."  She didn't even want to think what mother would think of this particular escapade.  It wasn't their mother's wrath she feared - but the judgment. To be thought a fool by her mother was almost unbearable. She shakes her leonine head - trying to clear away the very thought. She lets out an exhausted sigh. "I'm a fucking coward, Jamie," she admits.  It almost feels good to finally say it aloud. The self loathing she felt at her failure to control the bloodlust and predator's body was overwhelming. But there were questions too.  Would this...linger?  Would she always have this need to kill even when she didn't need to feed? She didn't have the answers to these questions - and she wouldn't until she returned to the mountain. She knew, deep down, that's what she needed to do. But as much as she wanted the answers, she feared them. Perhaps that's why she'd been so lost.  She needed something - or someone - help get her back there.  She wasn't sure if she'd been avoiding the task consciously or on a subconscious level but that ended now.  She had to go back. "Can you just -- can you help me get back to the Mountain? Can you help make sure I, you know, actually make it there..."  She was sure it seemed foolish - the mountain wasn't even that far, physically.  But she hoped that his affection for her was enough for Jamie to consider this fool's errand.

@[jamie]