08-01-2020, 02:32 PM
There is a moment in which he recognizes their mirroring for what it is, their odd friendship and somehow-tight bond for what it looks like: therapy. Whatever her horrors from her past, his dry retributtals are working like little wake-up calls, distractions even from the pain when she tells it. In a similar way, the emotions in her eyes when he reacts this or that way because the questions she asks are too sharp and too close to center, soften the pain of the cuts, the fear of the breaking of the walls...
Yet all of it seems temporary, and perhaps that’s why they return to clash once again, when time has taken them apart for too long.
Hurt can be a great comfort, too, after all. The pain and soothing she provides is addictive.
The moment is fleeting and passes when she answers his question negatively, and he finds himself scoffing. ”So you’re trying to tell me that the choices you made at the time - with the information you had back then - were all wrong? That you didn’t really stand for them at the time?” he tilts his head - if there’s anything he knows about her, is that her moral compass is right. That certainly hasn’t broken. Is she trying to convince herself that it has?
A moment passes, a silence from his side that speaks loudly enough for his taste. If she chooses to answer, she’d better hesitate about her lack of trust in herself, about her choices - or better, realize that she’s wrong, but that might be too big a step for now.
Therapy isn’t supposed to work in a day.
A change of topic follows like a leaf in an autumn storm, twisted and turned and suddenly moving in a different direction. He follows, tired of opening up a part of himself, of feeling exposed and thus sucking in all of her own exposed feelings as well. He is an emotional creature, but he can overflow so easily - knowing this, he finds it best to make sure to close when the waves start to make swimming more difficult. He’s drowned a few times before, and he knows the kind of damage that he can cause when doing so.
”I got asked that question once before. Ambition was all I had at the moment, and I stuck with it.” he grimaces, eyes on the horizon for a moment. ”I’ve stopped believing in wanting things for myself, any more. When I chased those things, I’ve found they couldn’t last, and the mess I’ve left behind on my path towards it involves too many people’s lives.” Some of those lives he had made in that chaos - nevertheless, that route didn’t seem preferable in retrospect. ”Now what I want is for the north to thrive. For my people to get the respect and resources that they need.” It would seem to him that a legacy like that would be enough - should be enough - even though he might already have an inkling that if it’s too easy, then over time, he may need a new goal. A new ambition. A new dream - a new life.
But it’s not that day, yet.
Yet all of it seems temporary, and perhaps that’s why they return to clash once again, when time has taken them apart for too long.
Hurt can be a great comfort, too, after all. The pain and soothing she provides is addictive.
The moment is fleeting and passes when she answers his question negatively, and he finds himself scoffing. ”So you’re trying to tell me that the choices you made at the time - with the information you had back then - were all wrong? That you didn’t really stand for them at the time?” he tilts his head - if there’s anything he knows about her, is that her moral compass is right. That certainly hasn’t broken. Is she trying to convince herself that it has?
A moment passes, a silence from his side that speaks loudly enough for his taste. If she chooses to answer, she’d better hesitate about her lack of trust in herself, about her choices - or better, realize that she’s wrong, but that might be too big a step for now.
Therapy isn’t supposed to work in a day.
A change of topic follows like a leaf in an autumn storm, twisted and turned and suddenly moving in a different direction. He follows, tired of opening up a part of himself, of feeling exposed and thus sucking in all of her own exposed feelings as well. He is an emotional creature, but he can overflow so easily - knowing this, he finds it best to make sure to close when the waves start to make swimming more difficult. He’s drowned a few times before, and he knows the kind of damage that he can cause when doing so.
”I got asked that question once before. Ambition was all I had at the moment, and I stuck with it.” he grimaces, eyes on the horizon for a moment. ”I’ve stopped believing in wanting things for myself, any more. When I chased those things, I’ve found they couldn’t last, and the mess I’ve left behind on my path towards it involves too many people’s lives.” Some of those lives he had made in that chaos - nevertheless, that route didn’t seem preferable in retrospect. ”Now what I want is for the north to thrive. For my people to get the respect and resources that they need.” It would seem to him that a legacy like that would be enough - should be enough - even though he might already have an inkling that if it’s too easy, then over time, he may need a new goal. A new ambition. A new dream - a new life.
But it’s not that day, yet.
nothing burns like the cold
Leilan
@[lilliana]
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
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