06-06-2020, 03:53 PM
She does not like this cold that sinks into her bones. As if Lilli knows this, her words instantly warm her. That she has always felt the same way, that they have always known how much they would love and care for each other. “I can hardly remember a time without you in my life.” A statement that both lifts Elaina up and tears her down in tiny fissures roaming over her heart. It is so comforting to know that Lilli has been such a large part of her life, but she only gained Lilli in the end, by losing her parents.
Maybe, somewhere, in another universe, where Elaina’s parents walk above the ground instead of resting beneath it, she still mets Lilli. Years later, after the War of Windskeep was won, and the rebuilding had ceased. She and her parents travel back to beyond, back to Paraiso. She is young still, though nearing adulthood. She has become both strong like her father, with the compassion of her mother. There is a confidence, this assuredness to her the Elaina we know now does not have, it comes from being raised in the arms of two loving parents, to the safety net they have provided her. Elaina has still fallen, fallen more times than she can count, there is always the gentle feel of their hands on her back, ready to guide her. “I have someone I want you to meet, Elaina,” her brandished gold godfather says after they have arrived. “This is my daughter, Lilliana.” And Elaina smiles politely at the crimson girl as she had always been instructed to do so. They meet, they talk, they have the perfect childhood and they grow up alongside each other. Best friends.
But in this universe, they never become sisters.
“We always find each other in the end,” she says because it’s true.
She teases and that is enough to make Elaina laugh, that silver chime, the tickling of high keys on the piano. She laughs so little now in life, real, true laughter. When was the last time she laughed until her stomach ached from the effort of joy? Was it so long ago under a Hyaline night sky? Or walking through the redwoods? Or maybe it hasnt been since they sat in their fort or beside the river bend. Elaina looks back at her with blue eyes when she senses a change in cousin’s posture. “Lilli?” She says under her breath, before the chestnut girl tugs her mane. Elaina reaches out with all the gentleness of a mother she isn't sure she quite remembers anymore and pulls back. Okay, a silent reply.
Butterfly then.
The butterfly and the honey bee.
She hates not knowing. She doesn't know whatever holds her here will last, eventually she will have to leave. Nothing lasts forever, it had been a difficult thing for Elaina to learn, that everything in this life is transient. Even death is not such a permanent thing. Had she not see the way Ori speaks to spirits?
Anger rises from the flames that flow underneath her skin, through every vein in her body. “Well, why not?” She asks, fire grows in her eyes as she is ignited. She is extinguished as quickly as it was built. An explosion, then desolation. Elaina stands there, golden amongst the ash and smoke, maybe a Phoenix in her own right, but altogether she looks like something else entirely.
There have been many great friendships within Paraiso, but everyone knew of the friendship between Aletta and Brynn. And Elaina doesn't realize the words she says next echo those that once belonged to Aletta, said at another place, another time. “I’m so angry, Lilli.” And it is said in the hushed and quiet because Elaina cannot bare to let her emotions go again. “I fail at everything I do.” She admits, she doesn't know what brings on these thoughts. “To make my parents proud,” she chokes before gaining control. “To start a family.” It had been there for the waiting with Aerwir, but Elaina had left. It had presented itself again in the form of Altair, but again, she rejected him. “Being a politician—protecting you.” This hurts the most as she turns to her with too blue of eyes. She falls into her again, wrapping herself around Lilli because right now she feels like the only thing that is solid, that if she doesn't hold on tight she may just crumble atop those cliffs she dances upon and into the sea she that she loves so.
tried to keep her quiet, but she's screaming inside me