[private] sunrise never waits

[Rhaegor]

The impressiveness of the effectiveness of her defenses waned in comparison to how her mental rebuttal crumpled Rhae's urge to fight. While it flared at first, an extinction burst of rage, defensiveness, and fear, it held no candle to the flame of Lilliana's projected emotions. Images emerged from them, images of himself as a forlorn and dejected creature who stood as though his heart had fallen into his mouth and he could no longer breathe for fear of its inevitable drop. Its inevitable escape from his being.

The words which accompanied her projected emotions brought tears to Rhaegor's eyes. His heart tasted shattered in between his teeth.

What does it say of me if I left you like that? Are you the kind of monster to prey on empathy? I didn't think you were, but forgive me, if I'm wrong.

Memories. Flashes of his childhood in Hyaline, then in the Cove. Midnight races from the mountain grotto to the lake with his triplet siblings. Beach days, dances, winter parties. Chryseis. Dawn. Chryseis. He felt the loss of those two with such poignancy that he feared he might lapse into a panic attack, a visceral expression of his profound internal turmoil which would be rendered almost imperceptible by way of his muteness.

He felt his throat tighten, his eyes glaze, his thoughts collide into one another at light speeds yet going so slow that the loudest voice of all berated him for not being able to speak even a single word. From over his shoulder he heard and watched himself behave in an acceptable way, watched as he straightened and apologized for his terrible behaviour. The longer the mirage wore on, the louder the angry voice in his head punished him for his inability to speak.

Unknowable time passed before Rhae's central nervous system -regulated. Long enough for Lilliana to have left a dozen times over. Long enough for his mouth to bleed from the places his heart cut it. When he raised his head and blinked for the first time since he could remember, he began to shake all over.

I'm so sorry, he managed to broadcast to the mare. He failed to meet her gaze, the one which had been so full of anger what felt like just moments ago. That voice in his head continued its assault of his confidence and self-understanding. You are worthless. You are beyond repair. Leave and find somewhere to die.

Memories of Warlight holding him while he cried over Chryseis reminded him that he needn't listen to that voice. But its presence exhausted him and he found that in the present moment, he could not bring himself to silence its harsh words.

I'll go now, please, go back to having those warm feelings. His words blurred in Lilli's head due to his haste. 

Sobbing once, the stallion turned to leave.

.