03-11-2020, 10:12 PM
As a filly, she’d wanted nothing but friendship, to feel like she belonged within the very herd she’d been born. Most children were fortunate to know those things. She’d seen it from her hiding place where the grove’s vegetation was the thickest, ruby-red eyes watching with all the wishful yearning of any lonely child as the other foals chased one another. Their laughter and squeals of delight, how they’d beckoned like a siren’s song to the youth’s heart! She remembers asking her timid and quiet mother if she could go and play with the other foals. And, like with most other things, the pearlescent mare had told her no. What Shezira had been too young and naïve to understand at first was why she and her mother lingered on their furthest outskirts of the herd, why it was that they did not join the others to watch the sunset or enjoy a lazy afternoon by the river with them. At first, she’d believed that her mother was just wanting to keep her safe from the others. After all, her very earliest memories were shocked and weary gazes, the taunting giggles and whispers among the other fillies as they stared at her like she’d been born with some sort of deformity that they might catch if they weren’t careful.
However, as she grew older, she began to understand. The other mares disowned herself and her mother. They’d been cast to the outskirts, all for Shezira’s birth and unusual heritage. All because her mother had fallen in love with an outsider from a world that was not like the one Merelli knew. The sunfinre mare remembers asking her quiet, distant mother about the father she didn’t know, why it was that he did not live with them or why they were not with him. While the pearlescent mare didn’t speak much of the mysterious man, she’d told Shezira a little about him. He had been passing through, a vagabond venturing for things unknown when he’d happened upon Chryso Alsos. He, too, had been unwelcome by the harem and the stallion who guarded them from danger. And, to this herd, anything that was not familiar was dangerous. The sunfire stallion was refused refuge by the lead stallion and lead mare with ears pinned and teeth bared to show that they meant their words of unwelcoming. But, Merelli had been captivated by the strange man, and so she’d followed him to the furthest reaches of the grove. That was where she found him. And, that was where a love affair was born.
Because of the choices she’d made to follow the man borne of the sun, because they had talked a while and a spark had been ignited which would inevitably lead to Shezira’s creation, this was why the girl with so many questions in her heart had come to understand what her and her mother were to the herd – outcasts. Her mother had been punished for eloping with the vagabond, and her father had been chased off, threatened that his return would bring injury to himself should he dare to try and come for Merelli and his unborn child. There’d been hope that the girl would be born to look like her mother, or perhaps even her ancestors who all bore skin of pale or radiant gold. And yet, all hope had been shattered when she’d made her way into the world as the spitting image of her father. From that day forth, Merelli was shunned and cast aside, and Shezira’s fate as an outcast and misfit was sealed before she’d even been able to speak. This was why she could not play with the other foals, why the others were cruel to her and her mother. This, sadly, was why she’d never once felt as though she’d been truly loved by her own mother or like she could ever hope to find a place within a herd who would not accept her. Once upon a time, it broke her heart to realize this.
That was the past, though. She was stronger for it, and that was all that mattered.
She is given a smile from the chestnut mare in exchange for one of her own, and the sun-kissed woman knows that this world is already better than the one she’d grown up in. She watches as eyes of a clear spring afternoon dance with amusement, and she knows then that she likes Lilli. There was something that reminded Shezira of herself in a way, but she keeps this thought to herself for now. The chestnut femme speaks of the nickname her parents had given her as a child, and the sunfire mare’s smile grows.”It suits you. I only wish I’d had such a name as a child that was as kind as Lillibird”, she remarks warmly, admiration and perhaps even a note of wistfulness flickering over her words. Perhaps, if Shezira had been born with a jealous heart rather than the open, kind, and spirited one that beats there within her breast, she may have envied Lilli for the love that she’d grown up knowing. Once upon a time, there was so little that she wouldn’t have done or given for her mother to love her enough to bestow a fond nickname upon the girl. Again, this was some nothing more than water under the bridge for Shezira, and she is only happy to hear that her companion has been raised as any child should.
Beqanna. The name echoes within perked twin harks, and she searches for any recognition she might have of this name. However, she finds none. So, she shakes her head gently.”I can’t say that I have”, she answers simply. It was a truthful statement, but Shezira is curious about this place, this kingdom called Beqanna. The warmth that is shared between the two women does not go unnoticed as Lilli reciprocates those mannerisms instilled upon them both likely as children. But, the sun-kissed mare’s thoughts are taken by the answer Lilli offers, and she finds it interesting that someone so loved by her family would have wandered so far. Although, perhaps they weren’t far away? Either way, she simply smiles with warmth.”Then you must be quite familiar with this world” she remarks, for surely five years in one placed made certain that one would have learned at least a majority of this realm. She hardly desires to make any assumptions of the woman with whom she shares this afternoon, though, hopeful that she was not stepping over any lines or boundaries that the chestnut femme might have. There have surely been stranger things the eyes of the gods have seen beyond staying in one place and only seeing a fraction of the world those immortal beings have created she supposed.
There is a contemplative expression that finds her companion now, and for a moment, the mare with sun-kissed skin and gradient locks wonders what it was Lilli was thinking of. It does not last long, though, the chestnut with spring sky eyes speaks of how this world was unique. But, Shezira was unique in every sense of the word. Perhaps there were others out there that might be stranger than her, and that was entirely alright. But, if a place like Beqanna could be home to someone stranger than her, then why couldn't it be hers as well? Lilli's next words fall into the air between them, and they were truthfully expected at some point in this conversation. Shezira rolls her shoulders ever so slightly in an equine shrug then."I don't know. I'm just happy to be anywhere but home, honestly", she replies casually. The sunfire mare was hardly one to lie, and it seemed like a perfectly normal thing for someone to wonder about their company."I just follow the sun. Wherever it takes me is where I go", she adds warmly then, her ruby-red gaze lifting up to where the sunlight broke through the canopy above them, its rays dappling her amber and citrine back in a soft warmth that she often imagined it as a loving and nurturing mother hugging her child gently might feel like.
Sure, she was without a home, but anywhere felt more like home than her birthlands.
For her, that was enough.
here's to the rest of us, to all the ones who never felt they were good enough
image by empluvie